Does he love me or my looks

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Does he love me or my looks
2
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 1:02pm

So over eight months, me and my boyfrind (both 20 yrs) have been dating and together. As I have mentioned before, he is not romantic and dint really pay or do romantic things for me....and I have told him and he has slightly improved but I feel he is clueless. I spoke to my guy friend the other day and i told him my dilemna how all i want is some flowers or to be appreciated or have little things done for me since my boyfriend says he loves me. Me and my friend analyzed me and my boyfriends relationship and he thinks that my boyfriend doesn't love me by the way he is acting but he sure does love my looks and LIKES me. We noticed that...
when he did say i love you, it was because i was mad, and now he just says it at the end when we leave. my friend said if he loved me he would say it unexpectedly..he should wanna do and say nice things when he doesnt have to..thats true love then..not when they r expected
everything is leading up to the sexuaal aspect, we never just watch tv w o some move from him.
he does romantgic things or semi-nice things when he has to like when im mad or a bday or valentines day..not on his own will or daily
he doesnt really pay for dinners or buy me flowers much and I told him i like that and he has money..trust me
we work more in college than in the real world bc we maybe only c each other at night-sexual aspect
he cuts me off sometimes in sentences and doesnt say like ur so this and that and thats why i love u
he does call or text or AIm me everyday and cares about my life
when he visited me or i visited him, something just wasnt romantic..he didnt i dont know..make me feel romantic and when i visited him every single night we went to dinner w his whole family..and it wa wierd bc he said we would go out us two but never did...
he never buys me little presents or cute things that remind him of me
he thinks romance is buying a golf bag for, seeing a movie or helping a me find a job...no clue about romance and flowers even tho i explained it to him. duh
-we each saw the break up (the movie) and he sided w the guy and called the girl a nag..in the movie, the girl just wanted to be appreciated and feel special and wanted flowers which is the same case as me, he said she was a nag and the guy was cool and so right and the girl was annoying...in the movie the girl is like why dont u ever gemme flowers and the guy is like u told me u hate flowers. the girl in the movie is like, every girl likes flowers...my boy was like, she is so confusing..poor guy.. HELLO. the guy was at fault in the movie..it was obv. this is symbolic of our relationship..no flower..no appreciation.no romance. Yet I like him and fee comfortable
.
-My friend says this sounds like a guy who loves my looks, not me..he tells me every guy knows how to be romantic somehow and wants to pay for their girls usually and do nice things for them. I told my boyfriend recently what i wanted so lets see how he handles it. I hinted flowers and things so like how can he not get it. he told me has no clue about romance..my friend says he is just lazy and loves my looks, not me..he likes me and will just get by with what he can for the looks and sexual aspect

what do you think...If he does do something romantic for me, now ill think its bc i told him 5000 times and not bc he wants to. maybe he cant change..but does he love me or my looks and how can i tell

my friend says he played a girl and just liked her bc of her looks and eveyrthing i describe r signs..he was exact...

my friend has me thinking and looking at things in a whole new light i never saw b4..maybe its overanalyzing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 2:40pm

You make quite a leap from feeling dissatisfied by a variety of actions (or lack of action) and assuming he's into you for your looks only. When he compliments you, are the compliments usually about how you look? That would be one clue. Would you characterize him as an otherwise shallow person?

Not saying "I love you" very often and not always footing the bill doesn't necessarily indicate that his interest in you is superficial and based on your looks. And sometimes men who are overly complimentary and mushy are motiviated by superficial interests. So yes, I think you're being overly analytical and making unwarranted leaps in logic (based on the information you provide).

But the issue at hand seems more to be that you feel emotionally unfulfilled because he doesn't pay you the kind of attention you want. Perhaps he is just not very emotionally demonstrative. If you require someone who is more affectionate and doting, then I'd say there appears to be a problem in your relationship, but for now I'd say the issue of his being into you for your looks is beside the point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 3:03pm
thank u. that was good advice