Does He Want to Marry Me?
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Does He Want to Marry Me?
| Tue, 07-06-2004 - 3:23pm |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. He is 23 and I am 22 (I know, we're still young.) About 4 months into the relationship, my boyfriend expressed to me that he loved me and wanted to marry me. I felt the same way. Since then, we've spoken of children and getting a place, and he has told me that we will be engaged within a year from now. I want to believe this, but lately he has seemed reluctant to talk about things like we used to. When I ask him, he gets upset, and says that I should "just know" that he wants those things. He thinks that I am too nit-picky about it. Perhaps I am just being insecure, but is there a deeper underlying problem? Why does he all of a sudden clam up about the subject? He maintains that he does indeed want these things to happen, so what should I do to ensure that we're both serious, and I'm not just being led on? Thanks.
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Relax on the subject a bit. Let it go for a few months and see what happens. The more you push him, the more he is likely to pull away.
If you really *need* to know anything, just ask him if he loves you and leave it at that. Revisit the subject in a few months. 22/ 23 is too young to make that kind of decision, I think.
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Perhaps you are looking for a promise ring idea? It would show his commitment to you without being an engagement at this time.
I hope that it does work out for you, you sound very sure of this relationship.
But those are all lessons that people have to learn on their own, I was utterly and totally in love with my husband, he with me, we both had the same desires, goals, morals. But it didn't work. 6 years later we were divorced, age definitely had a lot to do with the decisions. Had he said I'm not ready, we wouldn't have married and maybe we would have split up as we both grew and matured.
Unfortunately people get mad when you tell them to wait and they just dig in their heels so you gotta let people make their own mistakes.
I agree. I had my son at 22, planned pregnancy. I didn't want to listen to all those people who said *enjoy your time now, no rush, kids are a lot of work, you have time*
But I was set that I wanted a child and we got pregnant. Then everything crashed. Now I'm a single mom with a wonderful little boy. Do I regret having him? No. Do I regret when I had him? Yes. I also should have listened to that little voice inside that said that this guy wasn't the one. But I wanted to believe that things could work and that we would work through anything. Now I have to deal with this man for the rest of my life because we have a child together. Has he grown up or changed? No. Have I? Yes.
But yes, we don't want to hear the negative when we are young. The downside to our decision. We can only tell the lessons we learn along the way and hope that those who haven't gone through them listen to one little bit and take it to heart.
Alison
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I didn't say marrying him now would be a mistake. That's what you are thinking you are reading. I simply stated, that you can give people advice but they need to learn their lessons on their own, that's what I said to alison. And its not sad that I got divorced, it's actually one of the best things that happened to me, I've learned so much about myself, my choices, my morals, my beliefs and my desires in life that probably wouldn't have come if I hadn't had the experiences I have had.
We have learned through life experiences that waiting to marry is a better choice, nobody said getting married would be a mistake and nobody said you would divorce, but it sounds as though your boyfriend has clearly stated he's not ready and you seem anxious about this at your age, we are saying why worry? You have plenty of time.
Statistically speaking: Percentage of people that married under the age of 20 who eventually get divorced as of 1995: 40%
Percentage of people that married over the age of 25 who eventually get divorced as of 1995: 24%
That is a big difference.
Nobody is telling you won't marry, nobody is telling you that wanting to marry is a mistake. We are trying to share our wisdom with you and you seemed quite defensive at Alison about the "age" thing even though you proclaim here you weren't angry.
Statistics were found at: http://www.divorcemagazine.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml
Being young I was so set that I knew what I wanted, but after a few years I changed my views, because I grew up.
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