Does He Want to Marry Me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Does He Want to Marry Me?
11
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 3:23pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. He is 23 and I am 22 (I know, we're still young.) About 4 months into the relationship, my boyfriend expressed to me that he loved me and wanted to marry me. I felt the same way. Since then, we've spoken of children and getting a place, and he has told me that we will be engaged within a year from now. I want to believe this, but lately he has seemed reluctant to talk about things like we used to. When I ask him, he gets upset, and says that I should "just know" that he wants those things. He thinks that I am too nit-picky about it. Perhaps I am just being insecure, but is there a deeper underlying problem? Why does he all of a sudden clam up about the subject? He maintains that he does indeed want these things to happen, so what should I do to ensure that we're both serious, and I'm not just being led on? Thanks.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 1:21pm
How often are you seeking reassurance in how he feels and the course of action you want/need/expect from him?

It can easily become a source of frustration for a man if we need to constantly & consistently reassure our partner, especially when there has been no fundamental change. Sometimes the "no news is good news" approach works better here. Otherwise it comes across as insecure, needy and pressuring in that your needs and timelines are significantly more important than his. You may be coming across as impatient and demanding if you are consistently seeking reassurance on the exact same things.

I highly recommend that you have a 5-year life goals conversation with him. You start this conversation by offering your goals and what you want to achieve across all parts of life over the next 5 years. I would also suggest that you give him clear notice that you want to have this kind of conversation so that he has an equal amount of time to think and prepare. This can be a very difficult conversation if we are given no warning and no time to consider.

This kind of conversation will be far more valuable for you both rather than getting stuck on repeated conversations on when the engagement is going to occur.

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