Does he want me or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Does he want me or not?
1
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 4:59pm

Ok. I'll try to make this as short as I can.
I started dating this guy, Tod, 4 months ago (we were friends for about a year) and it was amazing at the beginning. We had great chemistry, but once he found out that I couldn't and didn't want any more kids he slowly stepped away. I have 2 and he has 1 kid, making 3 small children. I asked him what he wanted and the ending conclusion was that he wanted to have two more kids of his own and that that was more important than having a wife. Well, after about 6 weeks we attempted again because somehow we had some kind of attraction and feelings towards each other, so we went on this weekend get-away, that I brought up. That took a week for him to decide if he wanted to go, but he did, even when he was extremely tired from a 13 hour shift and the place we were going was a 5-hour trip to get there. Again, it all started off real good, we had a nice drive, a nice first night (we didn't have sex though), the next day was also good, until it died down that night and we talked of our feelings and the future of us. He said to me that the chemistry that he was looking for wasn't there. Well, after hours of talkin we concluded that we will be friends. Ofcourse I didn't like it, I told him that my feelings for him were very strong, but that wasn't enough obviously. He said that he also had strong feelings but not enough to compromise the baby factor. And just so you know we did sleep together that night after he said he didn't want to be with me. ???

Anyway, this weekend get-away was about 5 weeks ago. We go to the same church and activities so we see each other twice a week. As time has gone by, I have made no more attempts of interest, even though I do want to, but since the last time I feel that if anyone is going to make a move is not going to be me. I am very stand-offish and I really don't acknowledge him, but somehow he always finds ways to talk to me, play with me, and be near me. He went to my daughters 5th b-day party yesterday and introduced himself to my mom and brother. He was really helpful and he kept looking at me. He sat next to me and he talked on what he's been doing. Then there was an ackward silence. I sensed that he wanted to tell me something but he didn't know how. I don't know what to think, I do want to be with him, but I will not approach him on it anymore. He told me that two Saturdays ago he got drunk and almost called me to pick him up at 1AM, but he ended up walking home. He is so not the drinking kind, and he just offered this information. I didn't inquire at all. He is a great guy, but his priorities are all messed up. He has had his heart broken three times and he did tell me once that he is tired of having to bend over backwards for women that eventually hurt him. I don't know what to do or think. What I do know is that if he came to me I would take him back.

Please give me some input. Thanks
Aracely

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 6:32pm
It seems that your guy prioritizes having children over a wife. He's said it and his priority is having 2 more children of his own. He might be attracted to you and all, BUT his goal is different than yours. You want a family, the family you have with the adds on of him and his kid and he wants kids. It's time for you to decide if you want to continue this relationship as it stands. Given that he knows your position he may as well be looking for a woman who wants to have 2 more kids.