does lack of physical attraction affects relationship?

Avatar for davonr
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2013
does lack of physical attraction affects relationship?
4
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 6:09am

if we are good in nature from all aspects but due to lack of physcial attraction affects the relationship or not

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005

I may not be an expert per se...but I speak from personal experience, from what life has taught me and from what the true experts and statistics say. Stats show that tradionally arranged unions are just as successful, if not more so than relationships we pursue or foster ouselves....probably based on the notion that WE are too close to the forest to see the trees. We, as humans have certain preconceived notions about ourselves and others and probably preformulated ideas and ideals about what we want in a mate or partner. However, what we want may not always be what we NEED, and others may be more capable of seeing what we need to make us happy based on reality than our own expectations. In addition, someone once brought to my attention that love is not something we feel but something we do. Sexual attraction is something we feel, lust is something we feel, but love is something we consciously decide to do, and if the person we pair with meets most or many of our life values we can learn or committ to loving them even if they do not necessarily possess (all) the physical attributes we think we want or like. I know that I've dated men who were HOT but not much in the personality department and once the initial haze of (sexual) tension and attraction was gone or realized to the fullest and all that was left was the person inside, that person was not quite so attractive. Also, looks fade with time and there's no guarantee that the person YOU are super attracted to will remain attracted to YOU in the same way over time. In addtion life takes it's toll with age, illness, stress, etc. However, if you are friends who truly like and respect each other, the love can and will come if you open your mind and heart to it and if you think outside the box or bedroom.  It's amazing at what we have convinced ourselves is necessary in a mate....it's really not someone we want to undress, but someone we'd be equally content in spending time with when our clothes are on....but, that's my experience and my two cents.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

It depends upon the expectations and the expressed intent of the two in the relationship.  If one or both are biding their time because they think the relationship or the other person has the potential to be what they want despite being told what to expect up front, then there will be problems in this set up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2013

All I can do is tell you what I have learned from my personal experiences. My former boyfriend was a decent looking man. We had a lot in common and he was *close* to being perfect for me. We were together for a few years. I always felt something was missing. The chemistry was missing. The feeling was not mutual, only I felt it. It felt awkward when we kissed. I didn't like it...to make a long story short. Since he was *close* to being perfect for me I talked myself into forming a relationship with him. I figured my feelings would change, maybe if he lost weight. I thought maybe he's just a bad kisser. I didn't feel like this consistently through the relationship, but there were red flags. Anyway, after a few years with him I ended up meeting another man unexpectedly. This man was married, so not much happened, but I was very attracted to him and he was attracted to me. The chemistry was there and it was so obvious. It was my first time experiencing that. It felt great (too good to be true). So that was an A HA moment for me. I thought to myself, "This is what I should be feeling." I never felt that way with my boyfriend, not even in the beginning. There was some attraction there, but not what it should have been. So anyway, I break up with my boyfriend. Months later I meet another man. This man was tall, which I like, but he has poor posture (due to Scoliosis I guess), is VERY overweight, has a hairy back, and smokes (always said I would never date a smoker). I got to know him and to me...he is the sexiest man I know. I am SO attracted to him. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

So I think physical attraction is important...whether they are sterotypically attractive or not does not matter. YOU have to be attracted to them, inside and out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I would say that it does--I think it would be hard to move beyond friendship if you aren't attracted to the other person but still like him or her, but I've also had relationships in the past where the person was not objectively attractive, yet maybe because I really cared about him, he became more attractive to me?