Does Not have the time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Does Not have the time?
15
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:05pm

I will try to make this brief! About 7 weeks ago, I met a local radio personality..whom I always thought was attractive, sexy, funny and has a great personality. I would have never approached him...just because. I was tired of being the aggressor.

So on 3/17 we made eye contact, smiled/waved and he came over to me..! We could not talk that eve...other committments..he asked me to 'email' him at the station. I did...he said he would rather get to know someone through email..well the emails went very well..we are definitely attracted, on the same track..lots in common..blah blah..the problem is we have not been out in person. He said we need to go for a drink..so about 2 weeks ago he said, "when I get time, we need to go and have drink!"
We are still emailing..I have given him my phone number twice! (He does not like to chat on the phone) SO finally, I said something about taking him for a birthday drink...after a few more emails..he said he would see what his week is like and that he is supposed to spend a day with his 11 yr old son.....okay...I can handle this!!

Please keep in mind..we are both over 45 yrs..not into playing games, I thought! All of my friends are telling me that there is NO ONE that BUSY that he could not have taken me out before now...I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

SO I have decided that IF we do not go out this weekend....then I will not email him anymore...he will have to call me or email me...I am about over the childish email crap! It is time to stand up to the plate...He is definitely interested, well at least he seems to be and I am interested in him. I will say in the beginning he did make it very clear that he is not looking for a 'girlfriend'...more of a friend / lover!!! I am okay with that in the beginning....but I am sure after spending time together that may change...and if not, I move on!

Help, I need advise. Would anyone else have gone 7 weeks emailing???? What should I do??

Thanks!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:13pm

My guess would be that he is involved with someone else (or several someones).

And FWIW, it's very rare, in my experience, for a guy who states upfront he's not looking for a GF to change his mind. If you were to get involved with him, you would need to do so with a clear understanding of the risk.

But in this case my guess would be that he's not looking for a GF because he already has one or several!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:18pm
He's not breaking any speed records. You even offered to take a relative stranger out for his birthday and his response was he'll get back to you, which he hasn't done. Let it go. Next
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 10:46pm
Cut off the emails...if he is truly interested he WILL call you. Be careful about guys who only want a lover, unless that's all you want. You think he will change his mind once you show him how wonderful you are, but most likely he won't, especially if he announces it at the beginning. He will move on and your heart will be broken. It sounds like he likes the attention you give him but he may have a girlfriend already. The true test will be once you cease the emails! Good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 7:49am

Thank you! That is what everyone is saying. That is what my best friend has been saying since this began. I think I need a brick building to fall on me before I realize how men work their game!!!

I have ceased all emails...it has only been 3 days. But I really think he may have several female friends...I wonder how other women have handled him doing this...eventually you would think he goes and meets some of them, or he would not have any girlfriends or lovers!!

I have chaulked it up as I am way to good for him and I deserve so much more! Thank you so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 9:21am
Oh please, I gave up trying to figure men out and why they do what they do! My thing now is if it ain't working smoothly from the get go, then I'm outta there...my time, and yours is too precious to waste on games. Just go have FUN!!! Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 9:31am

Thanks! I agree...I just had a ruff few days there....! I am sure I will be fine. It is just that this 'just' happened in Jan. Met this guy on line; we met once in person...he called me for 7 weeks...THOUGHT we had made plans for a Saturday nite....then on the Thursday...nothing...I emailed...he emailed me back...he even called me on that Saturday afternoon...he was "playing golf with his boss who had come into town unexpectedly". Yea right! Never heard from him again..and I never emailed or called! Got over that one...I am just baffled over the fact that I thought when men were older...45 and older that they were done playing the 'game'. Well this last guy was 46 and the one before that was 49...damn....I am missing something! :)

Good Luck to you too. Have a great weekend.
Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 10:16am
Hi Debbie, yep you're going to be fantastic! Actually I can completely sympathize with you, you're not missing anything except common courtesy and respect from him. Did he not remember that you had set plans? I mean, come on! Dating is fun but also difficult...it seems the one's who like me, I'm not that interested in, but I always have a good time with them. Then, of course, the one I really like is so elusive and causes so much strife and stress. The hot/cold thing drives me crazy. This last one I met, we had great chemistry, so much in common, etc etc but when it comes down to setting firm plans he's severely lacking. He's 42! You think he'd be experienced enough to get it right. He says he's super busy, which I'm sure he is but no one is that busy to where you can't call just to say hi. Then he called at 11 pm the other night (what am I, an afterthought!) and asked me out for Fri but I wasn't available, so I asked how about Sat? He seemed sort of put off and said he had plans for sat night that he may not be able to break - I have a feeling he said that just to get back at me for declining but I could be wrong. It was awkward and I haven't heard from him since. I don't expect to either from how 'disappointed' he was. Is that immature or what?! I think that when a man is truly interested, has the time, and the maturity level and stability in ALL aspects of his life, THEN he is ready to pursue a woman and ONLY then. If all these factors are not there for him at the time then forget it - time to move on. My time (and yours!) is too precious to wait around for some guy who can't pull it together. Good luck and have FUN this weekend!!
Shawni
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 6:58pm

Thanks again! May I ask how old you are? I am 52 but most guess around early to mid 40's..so I have been truly blessed. And yes I do take very good care of myself and that is why I usually attract younger guys..late 30's to mid 40's, however, I try to not bother with anyone under 45-46!

Yes, I was soooo disappointed in this guy as far as the respect and common courtesy..but I do not think that too many men think of things like that! We really did not have set plans, his very last email of April 26...was his kid wanted to do something this weekend and he was not sure which day!!! I also sent him the Blue Mountain card which he still has not opened and I really do not expect him to open it!!! A couple of my other responses think he will email me next week when he does not hear from me, but I don't think so. I think he is too 'macho' or his ego will get in the way...I don't really think he will put that much energy into it. I think he will just let it go. I feel like this was his plan..like most guys/men ....then don't call or email you back..it is the easiest way out for them.

Oh yes, as far as being busy..that is BULL..I work 2 jobs during the week, and I can damn well bet you, IF I met someone I want to spend time with, I will make the time!!!!! So I do not want to hear that crap!!! You either....did I mention the book, " He's Just Not That Into You"....well it is mostly common sense which we should know, but I am buying the CD one so that I can be reminded of how not to be so stupid next time. Actually, I have burnt, I really do not think there will be a next time...it wasn't just this guy that has turned me off...all of them.!!! There is not a single man that deserves me anymore. I truly am a nice person and have a lot to offer someone! I even told this last joker that....we really did have stuff in common...except for the friend/lover thing!

IF he does email, depending on what he has to say....I will email back and let him know that I am no longer interested!!!!!

Hey stay in touch. You can email me at bchbear653@aol.com if you wish!
Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 7:01am

Please dont waist another 7 weeks on a guy like him. If he really wanted to meet you in person he would of by now. Hes not worth it. Move on. Dont e-mail him or chat with him on the phone. You might waist to much energy on him, so not worth it.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 8:24am

Thank you so much for your reply. I am chatting with 2 other wonderful women that have give great advice. They also said DO NOT EMAIL him anymore...it has been since last Wednesday, 26th...that I have NOT heard from him....I would think by now I have gotten the message!

I should have nipped this in bud about 5 weeks ago..but I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt...you know how we women are...but the funny thing is he said he does not want drama, etc...well little does he know he created this drama...I am sure him being a local radio personality he has plenty of women feeding his ego...he is not even all that! No drop dead gorgeous or anything..but you know what I say...men like that (and I have met a few) will some day find the woman of their dreams, and that woman is going to say I don't need this!!! So they will get what they deserve!!!

I honestly do not think he is going to email me...because of his ego....and I think he is done with me...and is moving on...however, the other women...said, they 'think' he will email after a few days realizing that hey, she is not emailing me anymore..." And that he may come back with an apology of why he has not emailed me back...but I don't think that is going to happen!!! He is just to egotiscal for that!

Thank you! We women truly have to stick together...I am just going to NOT deal with men any more....I will be nice but NO MORE dating, etc. I just am too old to deal with such childness!!!!

Good Luck to you!

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