Does this qualify as being stood up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Does this qualify as being stood up?
4
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 12:23pm
I was supposed to meet a guy I met on-line for a first date last night. I really felt something unique for this guy over the phone which I have not felt before that quickly and was really excited about meeting him. He called me for three days prior to the date and seemed consistent. He said he was going to call me the day of the date though I'm not sure why since it was unecessary but he never did and I showed up anyway. I waited almost an hour and left. When I got home, I found out he called 4 times prior to our meeting time, and after, but I was out and could not get back to him since I only have his work number and he only has my home number, and he was done with work for the day. He did not leave a message with the people who picked up other than telling them that he is calling to speak to me. I emailed him last night to ask him what happened in a non-confrontational manner and am going to see if he writes back and what his explanation is. Should I give him another chance if he offers a good explanation? I am kind of hurt and really had a good feeling about him but I don't want to be perceived as a doormat. What do you think I should do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 1:59pm
Hi there, I'm speaking a bit from experience here....but two words of advice, DUMP HIM...he had plenty of time to let you know in advance if something came up, but to have made you wait, waste your time, for over an hour is appalling!!!! It shows straight off a severe lack of respect for you....unless he was stumbling down the sidewalk holding his intestines together, I wouldn't even give him a chance to explain anything...my advice would be to RUN, don't walk, away, and move on...you deserve a man who won't stand you up before you've even had your first date!!!

Also, in speaking from experience (a very recent one, too), I just got dumped by a guy that I met online...he didn't even have the courage or decency to tell me the truth (that he wasn't ready for a commitment) to my face...he just blew me off for over a week, and that was his "way" of telling me....don't let first impressions (ie. phone conversations, email, etc.) color your opinion of someone that you have never even met...someone on these boards recently gave me very good and wise advice...which is, essentially, that you sort of get a "false" sense of intimacy until you actually meet in person and move the dating/relationship along in "real life".....I'm not trying to be harsh here, but you don't deserve anything but total respect...if he's pulling this kind of stunt early on, I'd cut my losses....plenty of other fish in the sea...and not all of them are piranahs....(lol, my funny for the day)...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 9:51pm
Eh, I'd be inclined to give him another chance since it sounds like he *tried* to call and confirm or cancel. But I'd want to hear what he has to say for himself when you do talk before deciding for sure (i.e, does he apologize profusely and have a good explanation?).

I would NEVER wait an hour though!!! 15-20 minutes MAX!

Are you new to online dating? I ask because those of us who are experienced know that "good feelings" based on phone and emails are pretty much worthless as an indication of whether you're going to hit it off in person.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 10:04pm
If he doesn't show up for the first date I would'nt give him a second chance. The fact that he called several times and never left a message regarding the date says a lot about his character. For me first impresions count a lot. If he'd wanted to say he was gonna be late or had issues getting there he should have but he didn't. Don't wait for the response, he probably had another date lined up. If he replies he'll probably say hes sorry and lets meet again....charming, isn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 10:43pm
Yes Sherri, I am new to on-line dating. It is a bit confusing to me. Well, actually I met someone on-line once though it was an accident and he ended up being the best relationship I ever had even though he was not reliable in the beginning so I tend to give people second chances.

Basically, this new guy was holding a job fair all day which he told me about ahead of time so I assumed he was busy and did not have time to make a phone call. He said that he called to confirm just about the time I left which is when the job fair ended but I was not home so he figured that I was not coming. Well yeah, I was not home because I was on my way there. He said the people who picked up the phone were annoyed with him for calling so many times which I understand since that has been told to me before by others, and I assured him that was not the case. He also said he was in the area but again, he was not expecting me there so he did not look for me, and he asked me if I saw him but being that I've never met him before, I'm not surprised I didn't. We set up the location and time three days prior to the date to meet on the cross-section of a street and we did not discuss it again.

He asked me why I did not ask for his cell phone number and I said I wanted to but I thought he did not want to give it to me, so he said no, that's not true, and he gave it to me. He said he felt bad that I traveled to see him and he wants to reschedule. I agreed for Tuesday. We agreed it was a misunderstanding and he seems very open about his life and sincere. I figure if he turns out to be nothing special, then I won't see him again. I tend to believe in second chances though it depends on the person and I just have a certain feeling about this guy. I can't really explain it. I will let you all know how it goes and if it was worth it after all.