Does sex mean anything anymore?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Does sex mean anything anymore?!
44
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 4:32pm
I have read so many posts recently where people talk about having sex with people that they aren't in a relationship with. Does anybody ever fall in love before they have sex anymore? I guess I'm really old fashioned, I have never had sex with someone that A)I wasn't in a relationship with or B) that I didn't love...I just don't understand why people would even consider having a friends w/ benefits situation or have sex with someone they barely know. It seems that sex doesn't mean anything to anybody anymore and it's not taken very seriously. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex, but to me there is alot more to a relationship than sex. I was just wondering if I'm the only person that feels this way?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 7:18am
I've been reading this post, and wow, so many wrong ideias, I think!

Why on Earth a woman having sex for the pleasure of it makes her a slut? What a small mind to think this way.

And why on Earth would a woman call the man she had a ONS the next day (s)??? Many women nowdays simply want that ONS and that's it!! They know he will not call afterwards neither they want it!! If they want it for him to call, or want to try a relationship with him, well, then don't have sex right away, just give time to know him better!! Isn't this simple? If a woman goes on a ONS, well, just enjoy it, but do no expect nothing from there but sex (despite some exceptions). It's very worth for a woman to have sex for the pleasure of it, but she has to have her feet on the ground about it.

Also, it's not the future of every woman to want to get married and have kids, there are other things in life to do or other roads to choose. But, even for a woman who wants that, a man wouldn't want her because of her sexual past??? But why does he have to know her sexual history to be in love with her?? If there aren't any STD involved, well, her sexual past it's not his business!!!

I just think there are many different roads to go and choices to make, everyone should make the one that fits better. Neither woman who just have sex with love are a role model of values because of that, neither one who have sex only for the pleasure should be consider a slut!

And really, you don't have to be in love to have great sex! I'm sorry for the women who don't know this.


Edited 7/11/2004 7:31 am ET ET by luabonita

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 8:30am
I believe making blanket statements that "Women just sleep around" is factually untrue. The statistics you quoted are also not factual obviously because for ever woman that got "lucky" so didn't a man. Degrading women as a whole is not necessary to give an opinion of the topic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 8:37am
ITA
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 6:08pm
You have to fall in love to have sex and I respect your beliefs. That doesn't mean other people feel the same way and I respect their beliefs also. I'm not sure if you are implying you don't get horny if not in love or that you do but won't consider sex without love. Personally, I don't see where either way is right or wrong. I think a person needs to do what is right for him or herself. Some people just don't place love and sex as having to go together and will sexually satisfy themselves with a partner outside of love. I don't believe anything new is going on here. This is just the way it is. You are not the only person who views sex and love this way, and I do think you are actually in the majority.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 11:22pm
Call me obtuse and old fashioned but as a man meeting a woman who would enjoy sex without considering love is a BIG problem.

I) What kind of commitment for a relationship can I expect from a woman who would have little qualm about sleeping around?

II) Why would a woman want to get in a relationship with me (or any man for that matter) if she is getting it easily?

III) Why would I want to INVEST in a relationship to be with a woman who thinks she is in "love" for a short time while the 'love' lasts, before she dumps me for the BBD (bigger better deal) - and falls in 'love' for the next guy down the block ....

NO THANKS!!!! I'll pass she can have - sleep with a regular Joe Shmoe ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:37am
I. You think if a woman can have casual sex that she is not capable of loving or loyalty. This is a false assumption.

II. You think that a woman who is capable of casual sex wouldn't want a relationship with you? Perhaps you are the right guy for her. Perhaps not. You have to prove yourself too.

III. You think that a woman who enjoys casual sex is in love for a short time and will dump you for the next guy? Women who enjoy casual sex know the difference between sex and love. It's the ones who fall in love fast that you have to watch out for. Women who enjoy casual sex are not going to get into a relationship with you unless they want to. Edit: Ask any woman. A woman who thinks she is in love does not view the sex as casual. It's serious business. I do agree with you here. People who fall in love fast probably fall out of love just as fast...that's infatuation. Men do it too.

You obviously have some stereotypes about women, but I'm not surprised or shocked. I don't think your beliefs are all that uncommon and you are certainly entitled to live within your comfort zone. I will say this though. You've probably dated some women who have had casual sex and you didn't even know it and still don't, because contrary to what most people may believe, women who are capable of and enjoy casual sex are not having it every night of the week with a different man!


Edited 7/12/2004 12:44 am ET ET by whitemonkey

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 3:23am
I dont have any respect for women who treat their vagina like gold, but THEN toss it around to every guy in the bar! These women have no morals & values. They lack self respect, self trust. They are insecure as all hell and live very unstable lifestyle. I know of these many women and i can say the majority of them were abused when they were young. I dont understand these women. Dont they realize what men think of them? We label them as sluts etc........... It seems to be ok with them and it makes me laugh. No guy wants a promiscuous women, regardless if it was in her past or present. We just dont. There is no way they can be trusted at all!

Now you can say that men dont care either and its a double standard blah blah blah

BUT if you label a women, what happens? They get emotional and distraught

If you label a guy, what happens? The guy does not care, because we are not emotional

If i run into trashy women like this, i'll treat them like it. When i have a ONS, i know for a fact that she's trashy, and i'll treat her like it. Just use her and leave and never call her. She deserves the treatment for the lack of morals and values. Maybe these women will come to their senses one day, but i seriously doubt it. Its only gonna get worse

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 8:44am
Just because you don't like the lifestyle a person leads, doesn't mean you have the right to treat that person like trash. A person who treats people badly has no morals or values. It's odd that you have one night stands with women you hate and it's obvious you feel hatred. If a women agrees to have sex with you after only knowing you a few hours, you know right away what her character is by your own definition. Why do you have sex with women you hate and then treat them like trash? I suspect you hate women in general and get a great deal of pleasure out of treating them badly. I don't know how you could even enjoy sex with a woman you feel such hatred for. Perhaps the pleasure comes from degrading her. I gotta tell you.....I think it's very weird and abnormal. Whether you realize it or not, you are extremely emotional. Your emotions run very deep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 10:00am
What I find hysterical about the whole thing is the girl is supposedly trash for sleeping with someone after only knowing him for a short time. A ONS is a ONS, both parties are doing it, so if you have to call someone a name that's in it you better look in the mirror because you are the same thing that you are calling someone else. Ironic huh?




Edited 7/12/2004 10:03 am ET ET by sniffle_sally

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:29pm
Wow, here's an example of a man full of prejudices!!

You say a woman who stays in a ONS with you is trashy and without values, so my friend, by your way of seeing things, YOU'RE also trashy and withtout values, because you're doing the same as her!!! You can do it but they can't???!!! What a small mind here! You think you can treat them as objects, but you're furious that they do the same to you!

You can make sex with her and see her that way??? Wow, what kind of human beeing are you? Fortunately for the women that you don't want to have a relationship with them neither call them next day, it's a favour you make them!!

About women making casual sex, that not mean they go to a bar pick up a guy or sleeping everyday with a different guy, that just mean that they get horny not only when they're in love, and just take care of her sexual needs when the opportunity arises. Women like these can commit, but with the right man!!! They don't want neither depend a man or a relationship to be happy, and they know how to distinguish enfatuation/sex drive from love. Dangerous are women who not distinguish this. Often they marry for the wrong reasons.

People should do what suits them better, sex with love, sex without love, sex with strawberries, whatever. Since they're happy and do it consciously. Men who judge a woman only because of how she carries her sexual life without playing any attention to whom she is and her personality, character, etc, really is in need for counseling and know women better.....