Does sex mean anything anymore?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Does sex mean anything anymore?!
44
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 4:32pm
I have read so many posts recently where people talk about having sex with people that they aren't in a relationship with. Does anybody ever fall in love before they have sex anymore? I guess I'm really old fashioned, I have never had sex with someone that A)I wasn't in a relationship with or B) that I didn't love...I just don't understand why people would even consider having a friends w/ benefits situation or have sex with someone they barely know. It seems that sex doesn't mean anything to anybody anymore and it's not taken very seriously. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex, but to me there is alot more to a relationship than sex. I was just wondering if I'm the only person that feels this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 6:07am
I started with my former boyfriend in a ONS, and we're together for almost 6 years now!

I met him at a beach party, we slept together that night, had incredible sex, and we're together since. Hopefully, he doesn't think women who have ONS are sluts, because that way he give it time after the ONS to know me better, my personality, my tastes, character... and we ended up together.

So, open you mind about women, you can find amazing surprises you don't find another way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 12:10am
Thankfully not all men feel that way. My new sweetheart knew when I met him that I was dating multiple guys, and sleeping with more than one of them. He didn't mind. After we'd been seeing each other a short time and started to have some actual feelings for each other, he said he wanted to get exclusive. I agreed, and I would NEVER cheat on him, nor do I think he would cheat on me. We have an agreement now to sleep only with each other. But he certainly respects me, even though I've had a lot of partners in the past.

So just because a woman is capable of having a ONS, or several, does not make her a slut, or untrustworthy. It totally depends on the situation. Sometimes she just doesn't want to complicate things with a relationship, but still wants physical closeness and satisfaction. As long as it's safer sex and both parties have equal expectations, nobody gets hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 10:43pm
I fully agree and understand that women/humans have needs, hence I have no problem with women needing sex and finding it.

My earlier statement about looking for a LTR with a "sexually liberated" woman was largely based on perceptions from the male world, where a promiscuous man who finds great ease in switching partners is usually one who has great difficulty commiting to a relationship with a female. In a similar fashion women assume that just because they seem sought after by other males i.e. there is competition for them, that is automatically bound to raise a guy's interest level.

Now I don't want to get into an argument of whether this is true or not. My point is that we can only judge based on our own experiences and knwoledge and in the male world promiscuity is closely aligned with an inability to commit. As a male I would make this judgement almost automatically, despite the very good arguments of posters here why it is simplistic and wrong ....

Just 2c

BB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 6:15am
Usually, women do it for having pleasure, fullfil their sexual needs and just have fun while they don't find a man who they really love and want to commit to him. Usually, men do this because of more a lifestyle of its own. It is not until they find "the special woman", they do it because they like it, they are used to, that's why most of them are in LTR, or even marriage, and continue on having ONS with another women.

I think women can separate sex from love till they meet someone they really love and stick to it. Men can continue separating love from sex even if they are in love with a woman for all of their lifes. Crazy, but it's true!

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