does this sound weird?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
does this sound weird?
5
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 11:53am
Okay, for the longest time my best friend was a guy. I wanted him forever (or so it seemed) and he never liked me the way I did him. It was always "this girl this, this girl that"... never me. He always used to say "you're my best friend I could never see you as anything more" So, for 4-5 years I was best friends with this guy... throughout those years I had boyfriends and nothing ever happened bewteen me and my friend (even when I was single) I notcied that whenever I had a boyfriend my best friend would start hanging around, he'd flirt, he'd always lead me on, so then I break up with the boyfriend and the friend disappears, he stops flirting and at one point even stopped talking to me. A little while later I got into another relationship and then he came back around. I started seeing a pattern. So then me and him were hanging out one day and then he kissed me. (Keep in mind I was still with my boyfriend) I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt bad, I thought something could happen between me and my friend, plus this was what I was waiting for forever. We continued what we had going, we werent "together" or considered "boyfriend and girlfriend" and then something happened with me and his friend. We were actually all mutual friends. Me and the other friend live home and go to college locally. My best friend goes away to college. So he found out about me and our friend and he throws a sh*t fit. He said he felt betrayed because he thought I didnt need him as much as he thought I did. His exact words were "You and me were always paired off, it was always you have the boyfriend and I was the friend who was going to try and steal you away"... anyway he stopped talking to me and the mutual friend. I personally dont understand it, I was never his to begin with, he never wanted me and when he finally does realize he does he doesnt clue me in. I tried keeping myself from getting too attached because he always said we'd never be anything more... and thats what I did. I just see this entire thing as being a blow to his ego... I dont know... anyone have any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 1:11pm
I'm a little confused about who did what. The one thing I gleaned from your story is that this "friend" makes moves on you whenever you have a bf, then you dump the bf and friend loses interest - correct? This is a very unhealthy dynamic. Either you and friend want to be together or you don't. Right now it sounds like he's toying with you, running hot and cold, and you're going right along with it. Why? Why not just realize that he is either very confused or just playing with you, and move on with your life?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 2:57pm

The problem here is that you are aren't really friends. And since you never defined your r/ship, it has confused everyone. He wants to stake his territory - which is why he got jealous of your bfs. But he doesn't really want to give you the r/ship (bf/gf) that you desire. With the whole long distance college thing in the mix, it may just be that a r/ship between the two of you would not be feasible anyway.


My best friend is a guy and when he hears about a "bf" in the picture, he is HAPPY for me. He enjoys teasing me about it - but he certainly isn't jealous or trying to kiss me!


If I were you, I'd call the friend up and tell him that he needs to be clear about where the boundary of friendship lies - he crossed it when he kissed you. If he insists its all your fault and you hurt him...there is nothing you can do but hope he comes around. If he does, this time be clear about where you stand and what you want for the friendship or r/ship.


Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 4:05pm
thats just it, i have moved on, i dont talk to him any longer because i finally realized he was just playing mind games and what not... i was just curious to see if anyone else thought he was too, cause I thought it was just me who saw this. I'm actually with his friend now and we've been together for almost a year and were quite happy that we have no contact with the other one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 4:27pm
I'm glad to hear that you have moved on. Yes, I do think he was playing games with you. I'm glad you're not falling for it anymore. Good luck with the new guy! :)



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 4:29pm
thanks :o)