Does status/age difference matter?
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| Mon, 07-26-2004 - 7:57pm |
I am 22 years old, live on my own, have a great job - but I got it while I was still in school. I'm thinking of going back in the fall to finish my degree but that means going back to the student life - no money, same crappy car I've been driving for years, etc.
I have a huge crush on this guy who works in my office building (for a different company). We flirt all the time and I think there is definitely something there. But, he is 10 years older than me, with 2 degrees, a high paying job, nice car and young child (no girlfriend though). None of this matters to me, in fact I like it, I'm sick of dealing with the bs from guys my age.
I really would like to pursue something with him but I'm worried what he will think of me if/when I go back to the student life because not only is there an age difference but the status difference will increase that much more. Even when I drive to work in the mornings I'm scared he'll see me in my ugly car (I haven't bothered to get anything newer because I've been thinking of going back to school for awhile). I don't want him to think of me as some young, stupid girl and I'm embarassed to tell him I'll be going back to school. He is a really sweet and intelligent guy...do you think something like this would matter to him or most guys in this situation? I don't know what to do.
Thanks :)

I can TOTALLY relate to your situation as I'm going through something similar. I am a 25 year old woman who is attracted to older men, and find myself hesitant to approach them because of the age difference (I'm also Black, and these men that I'm attracted to tend to be White, so I have two issues).
Like you, I have my own place, and a good job. I just graduated from college, and I'm totally independent. Still, with all those things, I'm still sometimes insecure when it comes to potential relationships with older, wiser, more mature men.
I've realized that I must have confidence, and realize that no matter how old I am or how old any man is, I'm good enough. Without confidence, no relationship with ANY man, older or younger, will happen. You've accomplished great things at such a young age, and you should be confident enough to realize what you have to offer.
If you feel that there is REAL chemistry (as opposed to a little crush) between you and this guy, I'd say go for it, you have nothing to lose. If it doesn't work out, at least you had the confidence and courage to go after it.
Wow our situations are more similar than I thought...I also have the cultural issue to deal with, except I am white and he is black. That doesn't worry me as much as the status/age thing though, I think because I have dated outside of my race before and it has never been an issue whereas I have never experienced dating someone that was in a different social position as me (I guess you could call it that!) The only thing I have to worry about regarding race is my family, they believe you shouldn't date outside of your race, so I have had to hide those past relationships from them which I hate but I have no choice since I am not going to let that dictate who I do and don't date. I don't know why the status/age thing is different to me, I just really like this guy and I worry what he thinks of me even though I know I shouldn't. Thanks for the words of encouragement :)
Now about this guy... You will never know what he thinks about you unless you talk to him. Invite him to grab a coffee or lunch soon. Start by asking his advice on a course you plan to take if you think he may have taken something like it in his career. If you don't take the chance, you won't get anywhere.
Otherwise, he's not worth your time or energy. Ultimately, you deserve someone who will love and care about you for exactly who you are.