don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
don't know what to do
7
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 12:33pm
There is this guy that I've know for about 1 1/2 now. I met him through my job as a Sales Assistant at a financail firm. He's a regional rep. for a company that we do business with. For a year now he has asked me out. Last year to the day I finally agreed to go out with him and we sat a date and then at the last minute I cancled. Well I had lied about why I couldn't make it and felt bad so later that evening I called and told him that I lied. I figured that he would want nothing else to do with me. But he continued to call and email me. And the next time he was in town he didn't even have a meeting in our office and he made a trip just to come see me. Well here's my problem, I finally went out with him this year back in March, then again in April and our most recent date was this month (June 9th). He's not from here he lives 4 1/2 hours away. I want to know where this whole thing is going, but I don't really know how to bring up the subject. He's a very honest and blunt person so he always tells me how it is. My biggest fear is that he is just using me so that he will have someone when he comes to town, but then I think well if that were the case then he would have given up on me when I lied to him last year. He's always asking me to come to his home to for the week, so I'm assuming he doesn't have a g/f b/c if he did by inviting me their that would be asking for trouble. I guess what I need is someone to help me on how to approach the situation and bring it up. Oh and the other thing. We talk on the phone and email, but it's not all the time b/c I get busy with work and I know that he gets very busy b/c his job requires him to be away from home atleast 2 weeks out of every month. He told me after our last date that he would call. It's been a week and I haven't gotten a call or an email. Should I call him or email or just wait? And in case you all are wondering no I haven't slept with this guy, he's even asked me to stay the night w/ him and I have turned him down, but nicely and he's never gotton upset. Am I just overreacting and thinking way too much into it all. I really like this one and we have so much in common, but I don't want it to end b/c I overanalyze everything.

Thanks,

EP

PS If this helps he asked me to move to his home town when I graduate college and I only have 2 more years left. Is this anything big or is he just shooting his mouth off?!?! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:01pm
Open communication is the only way.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:15pm
Well to be honest I didn't really like the guy when I first met him. Well atleast not like that. And I mean he was very presistant and I think that's why I gave him a chance. You're right open communication is the only way, but do you have any advise as to how to bring it up in conversation? I don't want to run him off, but at the same time I don't want both of us to be working toward something differnt b/c I was scared to bring it up and thought it was too soon to talk about.

Also should I call him since it's been a week or should I keep waiting for him to call me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:25pm
Call him.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:23pm
I don't know what other kind of vibes I can send. Like I said when I turned him down it was last year. Since then we have built a good friendship and then we decieded to go on a date this year. I mean he must be a good guy b/c he never brought up how I lied to him before. We talked about it like the day after it happened and he forgave me and I haven't heard about it since. And that was last June.

I guess my biggest fear is that this guy really likes me and it could lead to more and it scares me b/c no matter how much I try to put up my front change is one of my biggest fears. And the other thing is this guy is like 8 yrs older than I am. I guess I'm also confuessed b/c he told me at one point that he was just looking for some "compainship" which we all know could be just friends or g/f and b/f you know what I mean. And I guess it's kind of my fault b/c I never asked what type of compainship he was going for.

The most we've done is kiss. Last time he was here we went walking in the park and he had no problem showing his affection for me a visa versa, PDA didn't bother him. We talked about anything and everything, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to a long distance relationship, but at the same time I really like this guy?

I'm just a mess I guess.

Is there any hope for me?

EP

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:30pm
Oh sure...lots of hope for you!
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:42pm
Well some of my goals are 1)finish college...I only have two yrs. left and I'll have my degree in Business Finance. 2)take my Series 7...a test so that I can become a licensed financial consultant 3)deciede which financial firm I want to work for and where I want to live.

Yeah I want to get married some day...I would like marriage to come in about number 4 or 5 in my goals. I really young b/c by the time I finish the 3 goals I just listed I'll be 21. So I mean marriage of course would come after I get my business off the ground. That's something else that I fear...I'm very independent and I don't to end up w/ someone that is going to want me to be a housewife b/c that's not me. I plan to be financial stable and able to kick back by the time I'm 40. Take early retirement. And this guy is the type that will help me and support me in everything I do. He's not the type to say your place as a women is in the home. Like I started studying for the financial planning test and he was helping me study for it. I had to take time off b/c I couldn't concerate on that and school, but he didn't down me for having to put it on hold. He supported me and was like well you know what you can handle and I'll help you in anyway.

As far as children go I don't want any, but I know that with time people change and if I do have children it would only be one.

I just want to say thank you for all your advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:48pm
The reason I ask about your goals is this:
Lilypie Baby Days