Don't know what to do - love advice!!
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:47pm |
So I currently have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We met in university and really hit it off fast. (we're both 20 right now). Anyway, after about 6 months we started talking about marriage which at first I thought was so exciting but a couple of months ago I realized that I'm not ready to make that kind of decision yet and that I really haven't had much dating experience to know for sure that he's THE ONE (he's my second long term relationship). So we talked about it and decided to take things slower and just be friends for a while (and see other people if we wished). So we were just hanging out a couple of days after this decision and one thing led to another and...well, I guess it's pretty safe to say we're back together again. Anyway, like he's an amazing guy and we've never really fought or anything like that, but another part of me wants to date some other guys, just to see what else is out there. Like I said I've only had one other long-term boyfriend so it's hard to say that this is it and not really experience more. Sooo.....(sorry this is turning into a super long post), there's this guy at the gym I go to who I've been talking to for about 5 months now, he's always been really friendly (and even gave me his old leather couch for free when I moved into my new appartment!! :) ) who I've sorta started to become interested in. He's got a lot of qualities that I look for in a guy, some that my boyfriend doesn't have and part of me sorta wonders what it might be like with him. Anyway, today it sounded like he might ask me out, but then it didn't really happen, partly because I didn't really jump at the chance, but that's because I was unsure what to do. Do you think I should go out with him (one of the things I did tell my boyfriend was that I wish I had more dating experience and he was totally understanding about that and said he was alright with me dating other guys for a bit - however that's when we had the temporary break-up, so i'm not sure how he'd feel about it now). Part of me really wants to go after this other guy though because who knows, he could actually be better suited to me and I would never really know, on the other hand though, my current boyfriend is really good to me and it's not like I have a reason to look somewhere else, but the curious part of me still wonders...
what do you think I should do? I just wish I would have met my boyfriend 3 or 4 years later after I had more dating experience....
Any thoughts would be great! (and sorry I took up like an hour of your time reading this post!! haha).
Thanks!
BerryBlis

There is no better time to do this than now.
Also, another issue I've sorta been dealing with is that since I've moved out (it was my parents house and now I'm renting my own apartment) my boyfriend has been talking about what it would be like to live together. But deep down I really don't want him here all the time. This in itself doesn't really seem like a good sign to me...like if I really loved him would I want to be around him all the time?
Thanks again!
Berryblis
It's great that he is really nice but is that reason enough to guilt yourself to stay with him, if you want something else? There is nothing wrong with wanting something else in life, especially now in your life. You change so much in your 20s, it is unbelievable when you look back. What you think you want out of life right now, will be totally different in the next couple of years.
I got married because I met a great, nice guy at 19 and I thought (twisted, I know) I have to marry him becuase I will never find any one that loves me like he does. Bulls***. Looking back I had all the same doubts and anxiety you did, but I just buried it deep. However, it was something that always bugged me and that ultimately (along with other things) led to the end of the marriage.
Yes, that's exactly it. I'm so scared that if I brake up with him I'll never find a guy who would treat me as well. But the reality of it is that I've only dated one other guy (in a serious relationship) so how can I think that?!? There's also been lots of things that I see that sort of clash between us and now that we're past that "honeymoon" phase of the relationship, I think I've become a little bit bored. In your experiences, how does your relationship change once you've moved on from the honeymoon phase? (my other relationship ended after 6 months so I don't think we really got that far). On sort of a more personal topic, I've been having a problem being interested in sex with him lately. It's not that i'm not interested in sex period, because the thought of it with that other guy has crossed my mind, and he is good at what he does...but I dunno, i just doesn't seem to excite me anymore or something. It's going to break his heart though if I break up with him...
Thanks for listening!
BerryBlis
It's going to hurt him more if you remain his girlfriend and start "cheating."
Start
good luck :)
You guys are all so right. I know what I need to do it's just a matter of doing it. I'm way to young to decide already who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm just about to graduate from college and have just moved out of my parents house. My life is going to change so much in the next while, it's so hard to say if we'll even be the same people 4 years down the road.
Thanks so much for all of your guys' advice. Even though I sorta knew all along what I needed to do, hearing it from other peoples perpectives (and from their own experience) really makes me feel better! Thanks again!!
BerryBlis
I think that you essentially have no where to go...you have to tell your guy that you made a huge mistake...you mistook missing him for wanting to be with him. You're going to hurt him again...better now, than to lie to him and pretend things are great and waste another day of his life. (and yours)