Don't know what else to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Don't know what else to do
3
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 9:55pm
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We are bothe young and at that point in college where we have to declare majors and decide what we are doing once and for all. I know what i want but he doesnt. He thinks that he is not smart enough and that is completely untrue. His dad is a judge and his mom a psycologist, so he feels pressured. Those proffesions dont interest him. He feels he is not smart enough to be anything great b/c he gets C's and b's in school. However he works and goes to school full time, and no oe under those conditions would do well. i explained this to him but he still feels stupid. He reallly is smart but i dunno how to make him seethis. i dont know what to say to make him feel good, and i really want to help him. can u help me find the right things to say to improve his self esteem?>

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 10:36pm
You can't give someone self esteem and you can't make them believe something that they don't believe about themselves..they have to figure it out themselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 2:58am
No, he's got to do this one on his own.

But for what it's worth... my new friend has a PhD in physics, and he tells me that all though school he was in danger of being held back a year.

Guys don't develop at the same pace women do.

But they do develop(most of them at least).

Don't worry if his pace is not the same as yours.

Time will tell.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 10:19pm
I dont think that his issue is self-esteem. it might be and i am not trying to give that to him. i just want to make him feel better about himself. I always tell him that i think he IS smart (b/c i do) and that the reason he probably isn't doing so well is because he works himself too hard (he works andd goes to school full-time and has a girlfriend. I tell him that anyone in his position would be at the same point. I also tell him that he shouldn't feel pressured and he should do what makes HIM happy, not his parents. is this enough? should i say this? should i say more? should isay nothing at all? I want to say inspirational things to him so he can feel better about him, the situation and to feel less pressured or stressed. i always listen to him but i am worried that he might feel judged b/c i tell him he shouldn't feel stressed, judge himself, or work so much. am i doing as much as i should?