Don't know what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Don't know what to think
23
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:39am

Hi,

like many of your questions mine is in regards to online dating. I met someone about 2-3 weeks ago and we hit it off right away. Since then we have spoken pretty much every day, we have spent a weekend together, have gone out quite a few times actually. We haven't been "fully" intimate yet and I have already told him that unless we are exclusive it's not happening. I have been told by him that it's not his style to date more than one person at a time. He told me he thinks are going well between us and he isn't looking to go on a date with someone else. However, I have noticed he goes online everyday a few time a day. How do I know this? Because after we met I didn't even bother to go online but suddenly wondered if he did. So I checked... is it too soon for me to even be concerned about it? Do I trust his words? Do I confront him?

incl

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 12:17pm

At this point, I wouldn't worry about him going online--him looking doesn't mean he's meeting or dating anyone else, but obviously he's still open to that possibility. HIm saying he "isn't looking to date" someone else doesn't mean he feels he has made a commitment to NOT date someone else.

If and when you decide to become exclusive, that's one of the things you should discuss--what "exclusive" means to each of you, whether it's ok to have profiles up so long as you're not meeting anyone (personally, I'm not comfortable with that--I want profiles taken down if we're exclusive), all that kind of stuff.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 1:46pm

canadiansmiles...

In spite of the fact that he was an advisor for the ON-LINE DATING Board (very briefly), Pianoguy has never been sold on the on-line dating concept!

However...it DOES work for some people?

Personally, I'd rather receive a phone call from the local airport or the bus terminal from an attractive lady who says:

"I've arrived for a 3-day visit...could you please come down and pick me up?"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 1:54pm
...ok .... but your answer doesn't help me ....
incl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 1:58pm

Thanks Sheri.

I have talked myself down from being freaky about it. I will continue to be cautious as far as my feelings go and on an intimate level.

Life really was simplier when boys had cooties! ;-)

incl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 2:19pm

LOL - sometimes I think boys still do have cooties!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 2:30pm
I agree with other posters that you would need to take your relationship "off-line" as soon as possible--which you already have done, by meeting with him in person several times, and so on. Hopefully, he will also take down his profile at some point, but I would not be surprised if he wouldn't. Online dating can be a total addiction to some people, and they just like the anonymous "chase," rather than forming serious relationships. I have had instances when people with whom I have communicated or set up dates would not even recognize my profile a week later and contact me again with the exactly same introductory message they sent some time ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 2:56pm
Thanks for that! I will definitely check out the message board! :)
incl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 4:16pm

canadiansmiles...

Pianoguy was only "teasing" you with his response. And most ivillagers probably didn't take my comment very seriously???

Anyway...the only way to ACTUALLY KNOW what a person is really like is AFTER you've had a real date or two TOGETHER? One-to-one conversation across a restaurant table is a better indicator of success (or failure) than a text message!

I sincerely hope you find the MR. RIGHT you're looking for?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 3:47pm

Definitely dont' confront him. and try not to cyber spy either. IT's nice that things in this early stage are going well but you've only known him for a few weeks, way to early to expect him - or you - to suspend your membership in the online service. A lot of people look online, responding to emails, etc. It doesn't necessarily mean he's running around setting up dates.


Try not to dwell on it . again, way too early to bring it up.

,
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 2:32pm

Hi again! Well everybody's advice was great! :) except one thing.... I ended up confronting him about it on Saturday. I'm an idiot.

He said he didn't have a problem taking down his profile. However he hasn't. Gawd, am I doomed in every relationship I TRY to have?

When we spoke about it,in person,on Saturday he was very cool about everything, didn't seem bothered at all.

But now after reading this last message from datedoyenne I can't help but wonder what have I done? How do I do damage control? Can I? I really do like him!

UUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

incl

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