Don't know which guy to choose..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Don't know which guy to choose..
2
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 2:12pm
Hi,
I've been seeing my boyfriend for over a year and he always seems to be the less affectionate, lack of words and expressing himself kind of guy. I'm three years older than him, and i have 2 kids. I want someone that wants to settle down, and move in with me, but the chances of that happen with him him are slim to none, due to us living in different cities and the fact that he doesn't drive. I feel like i have fallen in love with him, but he's not with me. I have tried to break up with him about six times now, but somehow he found ourselves getting back together. One of these times we were broke up, i met someone else. He's 5 years older than me, same situation seperated getting divorced, and one kid. This guys wants to settle down, and a relationship with me, he says he's in love with me. I'm not in love with him, but i think i like him and there's attraction. He's somehow opposite to my boyfriend. He calls all the time and wants to spent time with me. He's settle financially with his life and i feel that he can provide for me and give all the thing i once had when i was married. He doesn't know about my boyfriend, all he knows is that i have had a long term relationship with someone and that we broke up and that i'm still in love and trying to get over it, and that i'm not ready for a relationship with him, just friendship. I'm getting confused about this all situation. I'm back with my boyfriend again, but it doesn't seem to go anywhere, but i feel so strong for him that i can't let go. I wanted him to be the one, but it's so difficult for him, financially and all. He's even thinking about moving to a different province because he thinks that there better opportunities there for him. But he doesn't want to break up if he goes...that makes it very complicated for me. I want better things in my life, and my kids, but above all, be happy. I feel like i'm stuck in this situation and don't know where to turn..Any advise? I can't choose...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 6:31pm
Just from an outsider looking in, it appears you may be trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Your boyfriend, while he tugs at your heart, is not capable or willing to give you what you want. You may begin to feel more for guy #2 if you put some distance between you and the younger boyfriend. Your children deserve a guy in their lives who is responsible and caring, as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 9:26am
IF I were in your shoes, and I was in love with the first guy and there was NO attraction for the second guy, the decision would be easy; drop the second guy. BUT, since there IS attraction for the second guy, I would definitely give that one a chance, because the passion can grow with time, and you will feel much better about yourself knowing that you are committing to someone who will give you what you need. I know it's hard because I have been in the same situation, where I was madly in love with the "unavailable" guy, and another guy loved me totally and I didn't want him. You are at an advantage here because you DO have feelings for the second guy. If I were in your position, I would go for it. Before I got married, a long time ago, something like that DID happen (although there were no kids involved, the second guy was much more committed and loving). I gave it a chance and as I spent more time with the second guy, he grew on me and the first guy didn't seem as appealing anymore (although at the beginning I SWORE I would never stop loving him, no matter how badly he treated me). That relationship ended for other reasons, and we remained friends, and that was several years ago. As fo now, I am still hung up over an old boyfriend, but am attracted to another guy now, but it's too soon to tell what will happen there, but I KNOW that if he were to pursue something more long term with me, I would give the second guy a chance. So to reiterate what I said, if you had no feelings at all for the second guy, you shouldn't force them. But, if you feel there is a basic desire there, then give that a chance to grow. Let's face it, the first guy is a recurring story, no commitment, keeping you hanging, etc. Same old thing. Give yourself a chance to explore the possibilities with the second guy, because one day you make way up and be thankful that you did when you are happy with the second guy and wonder what you ever saw in the first guy. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2011
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 7:14am
I'm dating this guy Derek who is not a good influence but I love him so much and every time we get in a fight I give him a second chance but their is this kid Sean in my schi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2011
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 1:19pm

It appears you are waiting for your boyfriend to change...and he is not going to.