Don't understand?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Don't understand?
1
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 11:09am
I started dating a friend of mine 3 months ago. While we were friends we developed a wonderful connection and realized how much we liked each other and decided to start seeing each other. The past 3 months had been wonderful. He treated me very well, constantly told me how he felt about me etc. He told me how happy he was to be with me, how he felt we had an amazing connection, I brought balance to his life and he has never told someone as much as he has told me.
However, during that time he lost his job and went through weeks of interviewing etc. I was very supportive of him and he said he was very grateful for my support and how I have always been there for him. He also just moved to this area a year ago and just recently found a group of friends he really felt he had a lot in common with. I know that not having many friends has been hard on him, so this was very important to him. He was also engaged two years ago and they broke it off. He told me he had gone to a therapist to help him through these tough times. Once he found a job and started hanging out with these friends, I noticed things changing between us. He would still call me and ask me out but it wasn’t as frequent. I wouldn’t hear from him for a few days and then he would ask me out for a nice dinner. Or he would make weekend plans with his friends and then invite me to join them. I couldn’t understand what was going on and he told me that he is a very mixed up person and that the timing isn’t right for him to be in a serious relationship. He feels he needs to be content with himself first and figure out some things, he has a lot of insecurities. He told me he really liked me and still does but he really just wants to be friends for now. He said he feels like we have this connection and he still wants me in his life. He says he admires all the qualities I have and just things I’m an amazing person.
In the beginning I felt he was so serious with me that he would propose within a year! I just felt so important to him. I can’t understand if you feel strongly for someone, why you would risk losing them. Wouldn’t you miss that person? Any thoughts?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 11:51am

I'm sorry, but I think he's decided that the two of you are not right for each other romantically, that you're better off as friends. This often happens in r'ships at the 3-4 month mark. It's not uncommon for men to jump into a new r'ship with both feet, then back off as they realize that the two of you aren't right for each other.

I would let him know that you need to take a break from your friendship for now until you're completely over your romantic feelings for him. It is definitely possible for you to reconnect as friends, but you're going to need some time with no contact first.

Sheri