don't want to make a fool of myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
don't want to make a fool of myself
6
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 4:51pm

I go to a gym and am interested in one of the guys...no NOT a huge handsome muscley hunk! In fact he is a quiet educated type which I much prefer. I have been going to this gym for 4 or 5 months and have only seen him a few times.
The last time I saw him was a few days ago and we had a nice chat. He remembered I had broken my leg 2.5 months ago and to my surprise said 'you speak 7 languages don't you?' which he had obviously remembered from a conversation we had months ago. He is a polite and cultured type; not pushy or showing off all the time and in fact slightly reserved but not awkwardly so.
I don't know when I will bump into him again but I should do sometime now that I have gone back into regular training. I do not want to look as if I am one of those middle aged women (in comparison to him as he is younger than I am) who go round chatting up men in gyms because they are lonely but on the other hand he did go up to me recently and talked to me (actually he asked me if I would mind the window opened) for a while. He never usually has talked that long but I do not want to presume anything. The last guy who talked to me for ages I asked to meet for a coffee and then things got embarrassing because he had a gf which I didnt know about. The only thing that saved my face was that there was no way of bumping into that person anymore whereas if I put a foot wrong here it could be embarrassing since I train regularly at that gym.
He is a nice guy but I don't want to mistake (as I have done before) friendliness for interest. I mean, one or two of the younger guys there chat to me but I wouldn't mistake it for interest.
I was telling him about my competition plans for next year and he was quite interested in the life of a bodybuilder. I suppose I could say something like 'do you want to come and see the competition?' but that is next year so a bit far off!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 9:32pm

I knew you would find another guy interesting sooner or later :-). I am like you, I don't immediately assume a guy is interested in me just because he is talking to me. So invariably I have gotten the "clueless" attitude thrown in my face later by people I knew because I didn't automatically see that the guy was interested in me.

If I was in your position I wouldn't do anything yet except continue to be friendly and maybe ask some questions about him to see if he is someone you would really want to date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:35am
Well, he is the most intelligent guy in the gym and not very good looking which I think is an idea combination:) So hopefully this makes him someone without a gigantic ego!
Yeah Snafu; think your advice is spot-on here. The one thing I would like to know is is he SINGLE or not? I always presume decent guys are taken and 99.9% of the time I've been proved right:(
Biggest snag here is WHEN he will turn up there again. He tends either to train late evenings which I never do or occasionally at the weekend but I cannot hang round the gym all day at the weekends not knowing when he'll turn up. Best really to forget about him until he does show up I suppose.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 10:03am
Definitely find out if he is single before you do anything in the way of asking him out or to a competition. I have found that egos know no boundaries so I hope your guy is not afflicted. Have you noticed when on the weekends he shows up? Changing your training schedule could hamper your ability to shape your body the way you like it for competition because we all have different biorhythmns...but if it is only a weekend or two maybe it wouldn't be so bad to find out if the guy is single.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:04pm
As you say Snafu, changing my training schedule could be tricky but moreoever, HOW do I find out if he is single or not when I do see him next?
I would never do anything as barefaced as ask him outright and all the other little sneaky comments (like 'does your gf do sport too?') are always glaringly obvious. So far, this guy simply thinks that i am talking to him in a friendly way as I do with others in the gym from time to time. Any attempt to find out if he is single or not would be embarrassing and most likely fruitless.
Is there any way you could think of to accomplish this without looking foolish or chasey?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 3:01pm
Since you are a direct person, you would have to stay "you" and ask him directly, "are you seeing anybody right now?" That could lead the way to a general conversation about dating in general, how it sucks, blah blah. You don't have to tie it back to you. You could also ask him if he has ever dated anyone who competes like you, because he seemed so interested it in. Sometimes men aren't as sharp as you think they are, for many reasons, so the sneaky comments do slide by them unnoticed at times. It's all in the delivery.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 7:37am
I really don't want to be that direct!
I remember a few weeks ago I said I was learning his language at evening school (that is the truth btw and not a chat-up line or excuse) and needed a bit of practice with a native speaker. That would have been a golden opportunity for him to say he'd help me and how about a coffee sometime etc etc but instead he quickly said 'oh well I've got no patience' and said a great way to practise would be to spend a few weeks in that country. That really made me feel that that was his way of saying he wasn't interested so I guess i'll leave it...