Dumped again..
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| Wed, 10-27-2004 - 7:31am |
During the last year I've been dating 4 guys, all of which have called it quits! The first one I dated for a couple of months, after him pursuing me strongly for quite a while. He even said he loved me on his own initiative, although he was afraid of scaring me away by telling me (I hadn't said it first), before he, 1,5 weeks later, told me (after I confronted him on why he was bailing on me) that he had gotten cold feet and wanted out. The next one I had 4 nice dates with (no sex involved), and he later told me that he needed closure with an ex and therefore couldn't give us "his all", although he was really fascinated by me (he's now in love and living with a completely different girl).The third one I actually became exclusive with (boyfriend)after dating about 1 month, and he told me I was the ONE, and that he was deeply in love with me. After 3 months he suddenly changed his mind, he wasn't in love anymore and didn't really know why...
The last one I've recently been on 4 dates with, all really great. On the first date he told me he was so happy he called me and that he was afraid of scaring me away with his advances (although he was a real gentleman). I may have gotten the impression that he liked being single, though, and that children was something that was way into the future (I didn't ask him about it first). We never had sex except a little fooling around on our last date. He texted me just to say hi after this incident, but I haven't heard from him since, no new dates planned. It's been about a week, but I'm almost sure I won't hear from him again now.
I know you all will think that I'm doing something wrong in particular to send these guys running, but all I can say is this: The guys pursue ME, they tell me I'm gorgeous, smart, funny, kind, independent (also financially), good taste, sweet, affectionate etc etc. They all wonder why I'm single, since I seem to be such a great catch.. The last one asked me whether I always tired of the guys really fast, since I had had quite a few short relationships.
They seem really into me during the dates (most of them also in between), and I've never been blown off until at least the 4'th date with anyone. I never pursue THEM, I only send the occasional text or mail to say thank you for a date maybe, or just "how are you", just not to be totally passive and show some interest as well. I'm not telling them I want to get married soon or have babies right away, so that shouldn't be scaring them off either.
The thing is; a lot of these guys tell me about exes who've been crazy jealous, bisexual, had lots of issues etc etc, while I'm neither.. It seems to me that as a good looking, smart, easygoing, kind, down to earth woman without tons of quirks and emotional baggage to unload on my guy, I'm losing in this game.. Do guys really need all the drama? Is it boring when you're just "normal"? I'm not playing hard to get or anything, but it seems as though these guys see it as a challenge until they have dated me a few times, then they seem to get bored or something? Is me being "difficult" the only way to make them fall and stay in love with me? I'm just so confused and tired of all this...

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There's nothing wrong with high standards. You have them for a reason. The one thing I would suggest is that you don't expect a man, or anyone or anything for that matter, to complete you. You are complete already.
A~
I'm sorry your dating experiences of late have been confusing and discouraging, but you should keep the faith, hon.
Start
The thing is, I do really want someone special in my life now, someone steady for a change. I didn't really think I gave out any "vibes" that guys could catch on though, I would like to think I come across as pretty laidback and independent. And the strange thing is, all these guys tell me in the beginning that they're really afraid of scaring ME off! But then again, I'm not seeing myself from the outside and I may not be aware of the vibes I do send out (after a few dates)..
But as for settling, no I won't do that. I don't want a boyfriend by all means, if I did I would have one already. I would like to wait for "the one", but I don't know if I will know right away or if it takes some time to feel this way about someone.. I think it's different with each person and relationship, there's no "rule".
I do agree that I should look for more "average Joes" and widen my options regarding finding a quality guy. It's just that these good looking guys have a way of approaching me that makes them interesting (of course, they have a LOT of practice and loads of self esteem), and I'm one of those women who finds self esteem an attractive quality (without going overboard, of course!). The average Joes that approach me are usually drunk (they often like to grab, as well), and I'll have to say that's REALLY unattractive, and makes me uninterested in having a conversation (if they're even able) with them.
And, regarding being able to dump a date myself that's going nowhere, I did that a few days ago (and have also done this several times in the past). My last date actually called me again (and said that we should get together this week before he was going on vacation on Thurs, but that he had been really, really busy), but for different reasons and meeting him this weekend (not on a date though, but I felt the "He's just not that into you" thing was applicable), I texted him saying that I saw no point in us getting together again as I didn't feel that there was a good connection there anymore. He responded: " Huh?". I consider his a** fired for good, started out great but turned out to be kind of flaky.
Thanks again for all your inputs, you are all wonderful women with lots of great insight :-)
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