dumped or duped?
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| Fri, 10-19-2007 - 12:30pm |
I was very recently dating a man who was pretty close to perfect, by far the greatest guy in every way that I've ever dated. However, earlier this week I noticed a significant change in him and new what was coming. His aunt passed away recently and the funeral was Monday this week. He said that it's made him start to re-evaluate his life and he's realized that he's got too many things on his plate which could very well be true and that he doesn't have time for dating right now. After all, he does have a few business ventures on the go that he's pushed aside over the last little while and business partners are beginning to get antsy - this is something I was aware of before the dumping. Even still, when I hear the words "too busy" I tend to jump to the conclusion that he's just not interested anymore and that situation I can understand somewhat. What threw me off though was this . . . he suggested that we have a conversation in a week's time to see where things are at that time. I told him that I didn't see a point in that really since his situation wasn't likely going to change in a week. He thought for a few moments and then said that I've presumed to know him and what's going on in his life. To be fair, I don't know him that well just yet as we'd only been dating about 3 weeks. I realized in retrospect that one of his work contracts is coming to a close - the one that he's been to every day over the last month or so, so perhaps that's why he was suggesting that we have another conversation in a week's time.
About 20 minutes after I got home, he text messaged me and said "I'm sorry to have upset you. It would not be fair if I cannot put the time in to get to know you and make a relationship. I would like to keep in touch." I told him that I would be ok and that I was open to keeping in touch but that he'd have to be the one to take those steps. He replied with "That's fair".
I suppose my question is this . . . is it really always that when someone is "too busy" they're simply not interested OR are there some rare cases where they simply just have too many things going on right now? And what would his motive behind keeping in touch and suggesting a followup conversation in a week? I've never heard those two before so I'm not quite certain as to how I should go about processing them.
On a side note: He is by far the best guy that I've ever dated. He's emotionally stable, financially stable, responsible, and extremely considerate and sweet. He's always treated me with the utmost respect and has been the first and only man that I've dated to make me realize that I deserve that. All of the others have only torn me down and made me feel less of myself but he showed me that I am better than that and not once did I feel self-conscious around him. Even though he's chosen not to see me anymore, he's the first man that I've not felt anger with for that, only sadness. I now realize that I deserve to be with someone amazing. If it's not him, then it will surely be someone just as amazing or perhaps even more so. So for that, I am truly thankful.

I think you handled this very well. But I do understand how disappointing that is.
It's always been hard for me, personally, to understand the "I'm just too busy to date right now" reasoning, since I am the kind of person that if I really think I like someone, I will make the time. But it could be that what he's telling you is precisely the case, and he's being honest about it by communicating that. We all do go through times where things happen and suddenly we're hit with a lot of emotions that can make us feel not up to the task of getting to know someone.
The fact is, after three weeks of dating, you know very, very little about this person. It's great that he treated you well and that you experienced him as being a truly wonderful guy. But he may not be worthy of all the praise you're giving him ... it's just too soon to know at three weeks!
And at any rate, you deserve someone who will make time for you because you're worth it! I think you're right to be grateful for the experience, but to move on.
Some guys mean what they say and some dont.
I see he wishes to keep in touch during this "off" time.