emails from an ex....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
emails from an ex....
2
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 2:26pm
hello!

I don't know how serious this is and maybe i am just being worried for nothing. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we had our bad times but more good times. However, these past few weeks we've come across people and things that go back to his ex. We once went to get some stuff from his locker and these were things from when he lived with his ex girlfriend. It didn't really bother me, it reminded him of the time with her a little bit, but thats normal. A week later, he tells me that he was in a chatroom and that he chatted with one of her (as in ex gf) friends (male). My boyfriend asked how she was doing and how her daughter was doing and thats it. Then the worse thing came this thursday: he recieved an email from his ex. I was afraid it would happen after his told me that he talked to one of her friends, and it did happen. i found out this by accident, since i know the password to his email. He hasn't told me yet about any of it. I don't know if its normal, if its none of my business. I know it wrong for me to look at his emails but thats not the point of my post. I am wondering why he hasn't told me about her emails. Maybe he feels that it will worry me for nothing since when i saw him friday he didn;t seem bothered by it at all. He was his normal self, all sweet to me, wanting to see me, bought me an easter present. He obviously replied to her email since she was asking how he was doing. I know that he told her about having a relationship now, because in her second email she wrote something that told me that she knows about me. So thats a good thing i am guessing. If he was thinking about the possibility of them getting back together 1 1/2 years later, he wouldn't of told her nothing right. I am thinking now is it a way for them to talk things through after so long. Say all the things that were left unsaid after the break up. I know she meant a lot to him when they were together, they lived together and he lived with her and her daughter, it was like a little family that he had. But i don't know what to think. She says in her email that she doesn't want to open up old wounds but she just wants him to know how she really felt since during the break up she was cold and unexpressive. So please let me know what you think, besides me reading the email, i know it was bad and i wish i didn't know anything at all.

thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 9:36pm
Hopefully you have learned your lesson. Snooping only gets you into trouble. Now you know something that bothers you and you can't bring it up to him so your stuck.

What you need to do is realize that if he wanted to get back together with her he could. Let him go through this and either say goodbye to her properly or change his mind and pursue her. You can't change the outcome, unless you want to show your jealousy and fear and ensure that he leaves you. Said another way, the only outcome you can guarantee is a bad one. If you love him and want to stay with him, let him figure this out for himself. If he stays, you'll know it was because it was in his heart to do so.

And never, never read his personal email again.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 12:14am
I agree that snooping leads to trouble but...I would still talk with him a little more about his interest in her. BTW-how did you get his email password to begin with-does he know you have it? He may be waiting for you to bring it up if he does know. Besides this, he obviously thinks about her enough to wonder how she and her daughter is doing--I would want to know if he misses his time with her enough to go back..if that's an option. And besides that, he may want to know that he's being snooped on-whatever your excuse is for doing it---it doesn't make you out to be an honest person either.