Is an emotional affair in the works?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Is an emotional affair in the works?
4
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 7:40pm
So here's the deal: a guy I hooked up with 2 years ago started talking to me again, and he's had a gf for the last couple of months. we've remained friends since our "friends with benefits" stage, but lately we've been talking to each other at work all day, everyday through instant messenger. he'll mention his gf from time to time, but only to say how she's so moody and constantly bitchy at him, but makes no mention of whether he's going to break up with her. just in the last couple weeks alone, i've hung out with him a few times during the week after work, whether it be happy hour with his friends/roommates or having lunch together, just the two of us, and he'll text me sometimes during the week. he also makes sure i never pay for anything when we go out. i thought that was all friendly until the last couple days, right before thanksgiving, he wanted to know when i was coming back to town from my parents house, because we live 2 min. away from each other. am i making a big deal out of this? what you do if you were me?
Avatar for barbrocks
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 9:15pm

oo... this is touchy.

Having been a girlfriend whose boyfriend had an emotional affair, I am so skittish of fraternizing with a "taken" guy. I'd want to know just what his intentions are. Yet, if this is just a friendship... I'd hate to see you scare him by asking just what's going on, you know?

Have you asked why he is still with his girlfriend if she's so awful? My advice, do so. And, also, do NOT get involved with him while he's with her. Respect yourself enough not to be the other woman.

What do you think of asking if you could all three get together for coffee sometime? I mean, my friends like me to meet their SO's. If he's for it, it very likely he just wants friendship. If he's against it, he probably wants more. Also, if he shy's from it, it's an easy inlet to ask what he wants between you, since he obviously doesn't want you to meet his girlfriend.

Tread lightly, for now.

Barb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 11:41pm

There are a couple of questions I'd like to ask.
When does he see his girlfriend?
Have you met the girlfriend? Why are you guys compartmentalized? How come you don't do things with her?
Is there anything in the way that he acts with you that would tick you off if your shoes were reversed with his girlfriend? If you had a boyfriend that picked up the tab, IM and confided personal things to a former FWB lover?
My own two cents is this: you guys had a good time, he's fishing and wants to keep you around 'in case'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 12:04am
Forget about him. He wants you to be his bit on the side! You don't need that in your life. If you like him a lot, you will only end up very hurt. Even if he does leave his gf, he will only do the same to you. If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 10:33pm

Well, he has a girlfriend and he's heavily coming onto you? That's not such a sweet deal. I feel sorry for his girfriend. Why did the two of you break up in the first place? Is this someone you really want to reinvolve yourself with?


,