Emotional Baggage( Gettin Heavier )

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Emotional Baggage( Gettin Heavier )
4
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:27pm
Greetings all,

I would like to give you an update on the current situation. As many of you may remember I had posted a little while ago about being in a bad situation with my lover/ landlord.

Well we had it out the other night. We got into a discussion and basically I put him on the spot. I told him " If all you want from me is sex then tell me" I told him " Draw the lines very clear for me so that I will never step over them again" I emphatically begged this man to tell me that all I am was a piece of tail... He couldn't do it.

He said " Come on you know care about you, You need to stop" But I was livid and I told him that my feelings for him have never been a mystery, While I was not overly affectionate I would show him enough attention through out the course of a day to let him know that he was being thought about. I demanded that he make it very clear what it is that we are doing and he could not define in easy terms what it is that I mean to him. I made the decision for him, I have chosen to continue out business relationship and end the physical one. I do still intend to be his friend but I know that it would not be a wise decision to continue sleeping with him. I do know that he enjoys sex with me and I feel like the best way to get my point across to him is to with hold what he likes from me. Understand that I am not doing this for effect.... It really is over for us as far as the sex is concerned. He will get a chance to miss it and I will get a chacne to deny him. While this may seem petty, sadly the " no sex " card is one of the strongest cards a woman has in her deck to play. After all of the confusion and mixed emotions I decided that I no longer want to play his game, I don't thik it was ever even woth it from the beginning, Something that I have discovered through out this ordeal is that " Infatuation is not love" " Infatuation was born from the climactic aftershock of my body needing his. And wanting him to want me without me being sure if I even wanted him first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:34pm
Sometimes when we get attention from the other sex, we rush into believing that the attention is affection. Then when we begin a physical sexual relationship we delude ourselves into believing that the person loves us, when really they are just looking for that pleasurable release.

I'm glad that you stood up for yourself and demanded what you want. Sorry that the outcome wasn't the one you ultimately wanted, but now you at least know where you stand. Now you can heal and begin the process of moving on. Latching yourself on to the hope with something that wasn't going anywhere wasn't allowing you to find someone that will respect you and want to have a full relationship with you.

Good luck with things.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:38pm
Does he actually take you on dates, and do you two do things together as boyfriend and girlfriend? Does he introduce you to his friends or family? If not, and he just comes around for occasional nookie, then you already know in your heart what you are to him, as you put it, a "piece of tail". And you should end it if that's not what you want. If he does treat you as a legitimate girlfriend, calls regularly, takes you on dates and goes places with you on a fairly regular basis, then yes, try to work something out. But don't try for too long. You and you alone are responsible if you stay in a relationship that is not going anywhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:46pm
Thanks Alison

And you are right. Going back over my original post I can not believe that I allowed him that much power in my life. But like the old song says " Everybody plays the fool sometime" I do believe that I will be okay now. He gave me the strenght I needed to move on without him even realizing it.

I thank you for your concern and support

Peace

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:54pm
Well see that's just it, When we first met we agreed that we would be " just friend" But we were going to be friends that were having sex with each other. Over the months he started to act like he cared more than maybe he really did. I don't know what really happened all I know is that one day I realized that I really did like him and I thought that he felt something for me ( that he obviously does not ) because he invited me to move closer to him and rent his house. It turns out that he opnly wanted to rent me the ohuouse because he was being a friend and figured that he could make my life a little easier if he could rent me a nice new home. I am grateful for the fact that he looked out for me like he did, but I di dthink that he wanted me closer to him so that we could see more of each otehr. He said that because I would only be 10 minutes away that we would be able to soend more time together.. Blah Blah Blah. To make a long story short Read my first post " Emotional Baggae How To Put It Down" and get a little backround.

The bottom line is Me and him are just going to remain friends and not sleep together anymore.