Emotional Baggage, How to put it down?
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| Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:22pm |
I am going through a period in my life right now where I feel like I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I am 29 years old I have two sons that are scholl age that I am raising alone. Their father and I were together for 10 years but never married. I have never been married. Sadly it did not owrk out between us and I moved on with my life about a year ago. I was very excited and eager to get on with my life after it did not work out with my kids dad he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to me. Not to mention he is a less than desireable providder for his sons. The problem is that when I found myself back in the dating game I no longer knew how to play.
It seems as if now a days anyone that I might possibly have an interest in already has someone, or is up to some other scheme or has some hidden agenda which for the most part involves going to bed and not having any other responsibility to me. Since this is not how I was reaised I have a real problem with the whole " no strings attached" sex thing so I choose not to get involved in situations like that. Well that was until a little while ago.
About six months ago I met this guy that I was really attracted to. He's about seven years older than me, he's very handsome, divorced, father of two, set in his career, and financially comfortable. He seemed more than compatible based on those qualities alone. Now first let me make it very clear that in the whole time I have been seeing him including now, I have never asked him for anything tangible, nor have I ever tried to push my kids off on him. I am independent I pay my own bills, I pay my own way, for me and my kids and I never wanted im to feel like I was looking for someone to step in and pick up where my ex left off in our lives. So our relationshop startd off pretty good at first.
He did tell me very early on that he did not want to jump into a relationship right away. His exact words were " Let's be the best of buddies and see where things go" Convinced that he would fall in live with me I agreed to that sort of relationship with him which was great at first. The way I saw it was " His mouth says we're friends his actions say he's mine" We were seeing a lot of each other for about 3 good weeks and then all of a sudden he became chronically busy, and hardly had any time to spend with me. After a few months of this he finally came to me with the idea that I move closer to him. He owns a few properties and had a really nice house that he was willing to rent me for a great price. I decided to move in. He said that " Once I am closer to him we will be able to see more of each other" I have been there a month now and I have not seen him. What the hell is going on? He says that he cares abou me, I kow that he is sexually satisfied with me, what could be going on? I feel so confused,I don't know if I am wasting my time or not, he is very hard to read. His mouth sayd one thing and his actions say another.

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Peace
First let me say that my hat goes off to you for being strong and independent when it comes to leaving an abusive relationship. As for the rest... It sounds like this guy doesn't know if he wants you or not. Maybe he sincerely was "chronically busy" but that may have been another way for him to remove himself from the relationship so that he didn't loose touch but could take the time he needed to figure things out. This may sound harsh but what struck me when I read the last paragraph was that he wants you close so he can have you when HE wants. I just hope you don't feel obligated to him now that he rents you a house. That's a tough situation to be in and I wish you luck but if I were you I would move on and not let him move in!
He is trying to make a profit off of you. To me, that's disturbing. Does he only have a financial incentive here? My feeling is, you were set up. You moved in, he has your rent money, now he's out of the picture. You were duped. The best advice I have is, stay there until your lease is up (if you have a lease) then find somewhere else to live and forget about him. He has nothing to offer you.
If he hasn't seen her several weeks, I doubt he wants to move in any time soon. One would have to be deluded to believe that he wants to move in.
Peace
I do know the original poster (you?) did not say anything about him wanting to move in. My feeling is, someone was misinterpreting the post.
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