Emotional Infidelity - Please Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Emotional Infidelity - Please Help!
2
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:40am
I have been with my boyfriend for two years now and although we have two different personalities when it comes to social situations, (him always being the flirtatious "life of the party" and me being the shy, "fly on the wall") I am concerned that these differences in conjunction with some other issues in our relationship will lead to my heart being broken. There have been many instances where he has lied to me, either blatently or by omission, about him talking to ex girlfriends whom he claims he "hates", looking at internet porn, watching pornography, etc. I have absolutely confirmed all of these instances to be things he has done and lied about and he knows that he is hurting me, but it seems as though there is always something he is hiding. We now live 1,000 miles apart due to school situations and I am very worried about his actions while I am away. He plays baseball and is contstantly socializing with the "ultimate bachelor" type of guys. Although all other aspects of our relationship are good, I cannot shake off the hurt he causes me to have concerning his flirtatious personality and wandering eyes. I don't want to believe that he would ever hurt me so badly as to cheat on me, but this emotional infidelity is killing me inside. Is it just me...or are these the early warning signs of a man who is about to stray? PLEASE HELP. -Heartbroken in Ohio
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 8:02am
Heartbroken...

Being 1000 miles away, YOU are at a major disadvantage when it comes to this 2-year relationship. The boyfriend can bond with his bachelor buddies and flirt to his heart's content...AND YOU CAN'T DO A THING ABOUT THIS!

Have you considered the fact that after 2 years...you might be "growing up" and realizing that the man you thought would be a 'perfect partner'---ISN'T? While "opposites attract" (according to the old Paula Abdul tune), it's obvious that you're not very pleased with your boyfriend's current behavior!

However...emotional infidelity and real infidelity are different. The first is a mind game...the second is a physical sport! Maybe the 2 of you should rethink the relationship that you have? Whether your b/f wants to "get physical" with a different woman is an issue to bring up.

Because if you don't...you'll continue to have a 'messed up head' as well as a broken heart! One thing though...if he's flirting NOW...don't expect his behavior to suddenly disappear after a few years of marriage. Sorry I can't be more encouraging.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 8:38am
Can you trust a man who lies to you?
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