end of a loser

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
end of a loser
14
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 2:49am
Just to finalise my 'can love grow?' and other thread on this guy, he came back from his holidays and did not contact me. Then he contacted me and said he had a whole pile of my DVD's and videos etc which he never used and wanted to give me back. I realised he wanted to call it a day. Probably the holiday had given him chance to reflect that it was just to much effort for him even to be nice to me. He said I should meet at his place (where we usually meet) and then go out to eat. I wondered if he had been attacked by a sudden fit of generosity but anyway..I went around there and he gave me the DVD's in a pile and said he could never love me and couldn't go against his feelings and the whole thing was exhausting him. I said ok, then let's call it quits. It hurt me because when I saw him again it was hard to control my feelings and he looked very handsome and tanned after his break.
He then said he still liked the business idea and would like to be friends and meet from time to time (would that be once a year??). I said you couldn't do a business with someone and keep them at arm's length and to have a good business relationship you had to have a good rapport with the other person. He said my problem was that I wanted more than he could give me i.e. love and companionship. I said I couldn't even get him to be civil or answer calls half the time and think the 'love' thing is just a red herring since he can't respect me anyway. Best of all, after having said he didn't ever want sex with me or anything like that, he came out of the shower and wanted me to do a blowjob on him!!! I just got up and walked out and came home, tore up his photos and that was that. I think he is really disgusting.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: stefania9
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 8:05am

He sounds really creepy. My guess is that he invited you over to see whether you would beg him to love you and have sex with you. When you did neither he got arrogant and nasty.

Good riddens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: stefania9
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 8:34am
Well, I think you are right. When I saw him he seemed affectionate at first and then went cold and nasty. Today a friend of mine rang me with a business lead. Because I always do what I promise I rang him and he got nasty and said why am I always ringing him with no news? I said I did have news about a location and was going to see it and he said 'well go then' and to text message him if I got a concrete lead and he'd ring me. So he doesn't even want to exert himself even if something would be beneficial to him. He said he is going to go to the fitness club tomorrow and give me a talking to and it is my guess he will do a final goodbye when it is really me who is the one who should be doing that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: stefania9
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 10:25am
Honey, please just consider this OVER. There's no need to listen to anything else he has to say or say anything else to him. Don't call him with any more business leads or for any other reason. He's a jerk and you need to leave him alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
In reply to: stefania9
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 11:26am

This is a very VERY very polite version of what I have been dying to say to the OP after I read most of her posts... the mind boggles..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: stefania9
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 11:03am

Folks, please bear in mind that when people post they are looking for advice, not judgement. Bear in mind that it's very easy to be clear on a situation and what should be done when you are outside of it. All of us have been in things that others may have looked at and said "why?" So please keep that in mind when posting.


Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: stefania9
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 4:38pm
Yes...he's certainly not a confidence trickster or con-man. If so, he'd never have been so honest about his lack of feelings for me. And I did have some happy times with him too. He's not stupid and much more attractive and interesting than the local men. But he's unreliable and hasn't treated me well at all and I see no way that he could change unfortunately. The only way to deal with him is to keep him at arm's length and that means basically ignoring him since there is no way to keep on with him and not be hurt. He's not an obvious 'sleaze' and a lot of people here like him and he gets on well with everyone so as you say, easy to judge from the outside. Having said that, I have taken on board any constructive advice i have received from this thread!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: stefania9
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 1:45am

All I can say is that I've been in your situation before and can understand why you're trying to be nice and to keep your word. At the end of the day though, realize that you do not need to treat people in ways they don't treat you. He hasn't been nice so don't go out of your way to be nice to him, you know?


I would suggest dropping all contact with him. Eventually it will just become emotionally and mentally draining and hon, you deserve a lot better than that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: stefania9
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 12:20pm
Bklynchik....thank you ...made me feel a lot better:) In fact today I got a call from a guy who had a business lead (they are VERY hard to get here with the Euro and the high rents and rates) and I rang this person and he didn't answer his phone. He has a home phone and cellular and both register how many times you call them even if the person doesn't respond. The business lead wanted an instant reply and despite sending an sms I got no reply and when I eventually did I got my head bitten off and told to stop ringing him and bugging him. I said I was doing this for him and if he answered his messages and kept in touch with me I wouldn't have had to keep dialling his number. It is clearly impossible to have any kind of dealings with him at all even if the dealings are beneficial to him. He is unable to treat me with any civility or respect and therefore I have decided to stop all contact with him. It DOES hurt a lot; I WAS in love with him but he is just not a good person. On top of it all, despite all his charm and words, I still do not know about his financial situation and although he says he has no money of his own to put into the business, I am not sure if I believe him since he is always working plus gets unemployment benefit illegally. A lot of his friends drink and bet and I wonder if he is also a gambler or something. Whatever...I have had to bit on the bullet that he is a person who can bring me nothing but emotional grief and possibly financial ruin.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: stefania9
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 1:30pm
I am so glad you decided to stop contacting him! Take it day by day and go from there. Remind yourself you deserve a lot better. Focus on his bad points whenever you want to call... that usually helps. :o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: stefania9
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 10:59am

Ugh.


He is a huge pig!! Please don't have any contact with him again and forget that business offer.

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