Engaged after dating 4 mos.
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| Mon, 07-31-2006 - 3:41am |
Okay one of my friends just got engaged a few weeks ago- after having dated the guy for 4 months. She's supposed to move in with him at the end of this month. He's really sweet but lately they have been having huge blowouts- like once a week, she tells me. He's stressed out from work and accuses her of not being supportive when she basically spends all her time and energy being supportive. My friend has desperately wanted to get married and have kids for as long as I've known her. so now here comes this guy who's pretty decent, smart, and a nice guy. He proposes. And now they will moving in together after having only dated for 5 months.
Oh yeah and also- they have different views on child-raising.
I just don't see great things from all of this- but I keep my mouth shut because it's her life, plus she's asked me to be her maid of honor. She's an intelligent and attractive girl, but I think that her desperation to get married and be a mom is really clouding her judgment.
Should I say something? What would you do? What do ya'll think?

I'd probably say something. Ask her whether she is having any reservations about marrying a man with whom she is constantly having blow-out fights. Tell her it is okay to postpone the wedding a few months to make sure this decision is right for both parties.
If she accuses you of "not being supportive" (which is code for "not holding your tongue") then keep your trap shut.
Honestly, I doubt it would do any good.
<< She's an intelligent and attractive girl, but I think that her desperation to get married and be a mom is really clouding her judgment.
Should I say something? What would you do? What do ya'll think?>>
Unfortunately, there's always more clarity from the "outside in" isn't there? She's not seeing things clearly because she's IN IT. But, my rule of thumb in cases like this is that ... it'll all play itself out. Life has a way of making sure of that.
Should you say something? Well, as her friend, I don't think you should criticize her decision; rather, perhaps you can gently suggest a long engagement? Hopefully, they were/are smart enough to not push the wedding date too soon??!!
Once they move in together, that's when it will likely play itself out. You see, I don't think anything you say will have much affect before she gets a first hand idea of what living together with him is like. If they're truly not compatible, this is when they'll find out. But, people need to find out for themselves, kwim? It's not enough for a couple of friends to say "this isn't a good idea" ... she'll have to figure it out on her own.
And if/when it doesn't work out, as her friend, you'll be there for her ... but honestly, I don't think these types situations are subject to the influence of what friends say or don't say ... it is what it is ... and you have to allow her to find out for herself whether its going to be or not. I know its hard to sit back and watch it play out when all you see is "train wreck" ... but, that's really all you can do ... express your concern once and let it go. The rest is up to her.
Hi
I would not say anything to her, at all. My ex-friend and I were soooo close. We did everything together, we had known each other and been best friends for about 7 years. She was there for me through thick and thin, and vice-versa. Until she met her current fiance. He is a joke. She was the same way though, wanted to get married and have babies. Thats all she wanted in life. So when this guy came along who told her he loved her after a week and proposed after a month, she fell head over heels. Myself, along with some other close friends, told her it was way too soon. And that it was kind of scary that a man would get that obsessed so soon. It was just weird. She didnt want to hear it. It also became VERY obvious that her new man was possessive. And not in a normal way. But of course, when we suggested that she take things slower, she saw that as us being jealous. Now, I have not spoken to her since January. We are no longer friends. Whether its because she thinks I dont agree with their relationship, or maybe its him telling her not to keep contact with me because I dont agree with his actions, Im not too sure. But now it doesnt matter. Maybe if I didnt say anything and let her live her life it might be different between us. Maybe not. But is that a chance you are willing to take?