Engagement & Stress!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Engagement & Stress!
3
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:12pm
My boyfriend and I share an incredible relationship built around trust, love, and respect. We both want to get married and feel that we are ready for such a commitment. Recent engagement disucssions have caused more stress than I would have expected!

Due to financial reasons, it makes a great deal of sense for me to move in with my boyfriend in a couple of months when my apartment lease is up. He agrees with that, although, we both would rather be engaged when living together (to please our families).

My boyfriend had orginally planned on proposing to me by the first of next year. This living arrangement reality has caused us to think about speeding up the engagement process. My boyfriend is concerned about having to feel "rushed" in the engagement process.

After much discussion, I've learned that purchasing the ring isn't his largest concern. He simply feels that the "spontaneity factor" won't exist, since I will be expecting to get engaged before my apartment lease is up. He has always imagined that the proposal would be a complete surprise, which would in part be ruined by this time frame that we have encountered.

I have already checked with my apartment office, and my rental fee would increase by $300 per month if I opted to a month-to-month lease. I just can't justify paying that extra money in effort to make the engagement act more of a surprise.

Is there anyway that I can get my boyfriend to see things in a different light? I think that he still can plan a surprise engagement, even if I will be expecting it to happen. I won't know HOW it will happen. Shouldn't that be enough of a surprise?

http://babynamey.com/b/mjwha7chjfjey7ddn5wws3thebzw633oef6donrqgmyts7d4.png

Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:55pm
I thought he didnt want to get engaged for financial reasons?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:42pm
Intially, financial concerns were wieghing heavily on his mind. After he and I discussed his debt more in depth (after I posted a week or two ago), we worked through his reservations to get married without having his debt paid off. I thoroughly explained how I wouldn't mind helping him pay off his exsisting debt, especially because I would be saving money by living in his house (which is paid off). We ended the conversation with the understanding that his debt issue wasn't really an issue at all.

Last week, his mother expressed how honored she would feel if he were to present me with the diamond from her wedding ring. My boyfriend's father passed away a couple of years ago, and his mother wants to keep the ring in the family. That pretty much solved the issue of financial strain of purchasing an engagement ring.

The only concern now is the "surprise factor" of engagement that he feels won't be present.

http://babynamey.com/b/mjwha7chjfjey7ddn5wws3thebzw633oef6donrqgmyts7d4.png

Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:20pm
Ah...well why doesnt he tell your parents and his mother that he DOES intend on getting engaged but the moving in, logistically, must occur right now. That way he can do it when hes good and ready and surprise element can be involved. Everyone in your families, and you, will know what his intentions are and he can still plan things his way.