Ex emotional sabbotage

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Ex emotional sabbotage
1
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 8:18pm


So I met a fabulous new guy... we've been on three (very long) dates and seem to be very into each other. Both of us have communicated how much we're enjoying spending time with the other... personally (and I think for him) it's a pretty exciting, almost overwhelming experience. It's all too familiar for me... the same thing happened a few months ago, perhaps even to a greater degree--I met a guy and we had that Romeo and Juliet kind of obsession (which is not like me) right away, spent almost every day together for three weeks... he even (eagerly) met my parents. Then one morning he left my house and I never saw him or heard from him again, except for a text message saying "You've lost me, I'm sorry." To say the least I was shocked, hurt, and livid. It was like being punched in the stomach.

Now that I've met this guy and things are going so well memories of this last guy that I've managed to bury very well until now are resurfacing. I have no feelings for the guy--he did a good job of proving himself a jerk. And I don't have any legitimate fears about the new one... but the memory of the pain of what happened is giving me some unfair anxiety and paranoia... I'm afraid I'm going to get scared and insecure and scare the guy away (I'm not that good at hiding emotions). How can I forget about the last guy and start fresh with this guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 5:06pm

My biggest suggestion for you is a to take things at a slower pace than the last relationship. Too much time together results in an overdose of the other person regardless of how much you get along.

Things will be fine, pace yourself.