the EX factor - opinions please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
the EX factor - opinions please!
1
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 2:07pm

Ok, I've been dating this guy exclusively for about 3 months or so, and it's been so great, wonderful, blah blah blah. I knew going in (I've actually known him for about a year-he's friends with my friend's boyfriend) that he's got an ex-girlfriend that he was with off and on for like 5-6 years. And that's pretty much all I knew. So, as we've been getting more serious and getting to know each other i'm learning more and more about their situation. I guess they dated really seriously for 2 years, then did the whole on/off dysfunctional thing all the way until we started seeing each other - so about 3 or so years. (Oh, i should add that she's in med school across the country so she's not hanging around or anything.) So during the last few years they've dated other people, but still talk all the time and get together whenever she's home from school or he'd visit out there a few times. So then we started dating, and evidently this is the first "serious" relationship he's had during all this. They're open about things, and he's told her about me, us, that we're exclusive, etc. and i guess she's dating someone else too. Whatever.

So last night we had a huge serious talk about all of this because i'm not sure if I can handle everything with that and i wanted to feel out what the deal was with everything. Basically, he said that they both love each other and have been close for so long, but they just can't ever get along for more than 2-3 days at a time, and they're not right for each other, but they never actually pulled the plug or anything and just kept it going. Then this last winter they went on a trip together "to give it one last try" and i guess it was horrible and they faught the whole time and they both decided, even while still on the trip, that they shouldn't be together and they don't work as a couple. So she went back to school and is with this other guy down there. Then we started seeing each other a month or so after that. And he's told me how much he likes me, being with me, etc. and that this is the first time he's felt like this since "her" and all that standard stuff. But there's comments here and there that totally throw a wrench in all of that. Like, he said last night that it scared him that she could just flip the switch and not care about him anymore - which screams to me that he's totally hung up on her.

My issue/question is this: Is there any chance that he'd actually get over her and we'd have somewhat of a healthy relationship? I like him so much and am really starting to care about him. I'd like it to work out, but I can't stay in something that is just going to bust up and hurt me in the end. Any experience/advice??? Thanks in advance.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 3:16pm

Sure, there's always a "chance". But it sounds like a rather high risk situation for you. It's up to you to decide if you're willing to take that risk. Remember, no relationship is *without* risk...even if the ex weren't a factor, you could realize after, say, 9 months together that you're not right for each other.

Sheri