Ex-girlfriend! :/

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Ex-girlfriend! :/
4
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 2:48am

Hello :)

I need some advice on this situation. I know what I WANT to do, but please tell me if it's a bad idea, I'm not really thinking with my brain...

So, a couple of months ago I met this guy while he was visiting family in Cali (where I live). We really hit it off and hung out together during the whole week he was here. I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship, I had actually just broken off our engagement, so I was not looking for anything serious, just a fun fling. Before this new guy went back home to Illinois, we did sleep together. He's actually only the second person I've ever slept with (the first was my ex-fiance who I have known for 10 years!). Anyway, I knew there was the possibility that this guy would just go home and go on with his life and I would have just been a vacation fling, but before he left he asked me what was going to happen next and if we would see each other again. I told him I would fly out to IL to see him in a few weeks. I wasn't 100% serious about it, but as soon as he got home, he called me and then we kept talking daily and he was serious about wanting me to come out to see him. Anyway, so I went to IL to see him and had a wonderful time. After spending those 4 days with him in IL, I kind of started to fall for him, but I realize that we probably will never live near each other, so I'm not trying to make it anything serious.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I had planned to fly out there again for New Year's, but last week his ex-girlfriend sent me a few text messages asking me if I have something going on with him and that they are still seeing each other!!! I told the guy about this and he denied that there is anything going on with his ex, but that she lives in his house because a couple of months ago she begged him to rent out a room to her because she didn't have a place to live. It's really weird because I knew he has two female roomates and I knew they were there when I stayed with him and he even asked, "Did you meet the girls yet?" without a worry in the world. He never told me that one of his roomates was his ex though and I never did meet her. He says that she knew about me and that he doesn't understand why she's acting like this. Obviously, I wasn't born yesterday, so I'm pretty sure he did sleep with his ex. I mean, they live in the same house... which is a weird situation...

The point of my story is that, I never expected us to be exclusive because of the distance. I was ok with a casual relationship and never even asked about exes or other people.. I still want to spend New Year's with him and that's it. Am I being really ridiculous? Part of the reason why I am not angry is because I also kept seeing my ex after I started talking to this guy (yeah, I know I'm a mess) Also, if he still wants me to come stay with him after he told me his ex is one of his roomates and that she will be there, maybe there is a chance he is telling the truth and his ex is just acting crazy because I don't know why... I'm not hurt and I'm not emotional about this guy, we just have great chemistry together and I've never felt this way before so detached from those annoying mushy feelings. Should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 9:11am

Short answer: no

This is too much of a spiderweb of issues to waste NYE and an expensive plane ticket.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 9:14am

unodimple...

Pianoguy thinks that if you're NOT EXCLUSIVE TO ANYBODY....you can sleep with half the males on the planet. .

There's a major difference between "exclusivity" and "casual sex"----and if each of you are in agreement concerning the rules and boundaries----what's the problem? If you have an issue or doubt about his fidelity....CONSIDER YOUR OWN....FIRST!!!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 10:02am
PG, she doesn't have an issue about fidelity, the issue here is whether she should go and visit this hornet's nest of issues and drama, or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 1:12pm
I can understand that you want to be casual with this guy, but do you really want your new years to be full of drama? He could still be with this ex, or she may "think" they are still together and make your weekend uncomfortable at best.

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