Ex girlfriend that won't leave me alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Ex girlfriend that won't leave me alone
13
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 8:15am

I've been seperated from a women for over one year that will not leave me alone. I hear from her at least twice a week, and despite my requests that she leave me alone, I still hear from her. I can assure everyone that when I break up with someone, I make a clean break an never contact that person again. I ignore their emails, phone calls, and any other contact. I don't communicate anything back to her other than "Leave me alone."

In two hours yesterday she called me eight times to tell me she had wrecked her car and ask who could fix it.

What's interesting is that the more I ignore her or tell her to go away, the harder she tries to contact me.

I've even told her that I am in a new relationship with a women that I love and she won't leave me alone.

What she wants me to tell her is what she did to cause the break up of our relationship which I am not compelled to do. I know where any conversation will lead and do not want to go there. Plus I am committed to the women I am with and do not want to violate that.

I have shared all of this with the women I am with now and she has two ideas. The first is that she calls my ex and drives home the point. I am averse to this as she shouldn't clean up my dirty work. The second suggestion that she has is that I should contact her employer as she regularly sends me emails or calls me from work.

How do I finally get the message across to this women that I do not want to talk to her and that it is her responsibilty to get over her own issue?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sun, 10-02-2005 - 1:50pm

Anyone who has been stalking a guy for a year is not going to stop after a ten-minute conversation.

I agree the proper way to end a relationship with somebody is to tell them face-to-face and try to explain why if they ask. But...

Let's say he didn't do that here. That would be bad and very painful for the woman and perhaps hard to get over. But any self-respecting woman would not stalk a guy for a year demanding answers. No matter how hard it was to get over. She would turn to her friends and family.

Say he gives her a reason. She doesn't like it and tries to say why logically that doesn't make sense. Then what? She starts demanding to know why he feels the way he does if logic says it could work out? No.

I doubt there is an answer that will satisfy her. The best thing he can do is to get rid of any manner she has of contacting him.

He may not have made a clean break, but that doesn't mean he should be forced to endure unwanted attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 2:27pm

Dude, you sound just like my boyfriend. And I can't believe you're actually struggling to figure out how to get this girl to leave you alone...it's simple: IGNORE HER!!! Block her emails and phone calls. Don't respond at all! Even a negative response encourages her. All this lawyer talk is crap-you can take care of it yourself.

My boyfriend an I have been going through the same thing and I for one know that he did go to lunch with her months after they broke up and we were together, and went over (for the umpteenth time) why they broke up and why he didn't want to continue a relationship with her. That was obviously not good enough b/c she still has not moved on. She finds reasons to contact him all the time and out of guilt (or his not wanting to let go-still haven't figured it out) he responds to her b/c he doesn't want to be mean.

As long as you allow her to contact you and as long as you respond in any way, she will continue to be a part of your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 1:45pm

I agree - she is not about to change so you can't give her what she wants - a reaction. and yes, change your email.
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