ex has new gf but still wants me
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| Wed, 11-24-2004 - 6:00pm |
I was with a guy for about 8 months when we broke up after a really stupid, although severe fight. We left on horrible terms, and after a month finally decided we needed to clear the air and be able to deal with each other for sake of numerous mutual friends. About the time he got with his new girlfriend, we were still working on developing a friendship. Now that we are practically best friends, his girlfriend is incredibly jealous, and is starting to put stress on both their relationship and mine and his friendship. She's being completely two-faced and tells both me and him (I've tried my best to become friends with her aswell) that she's fine with it and happy we're friends and trusts us, but then gets into fights with him about it later. I can understand where she's coming from, he will even neglect her while we're all in a room together to hang out with me. But I am divorced because my husband cheated on me, and stressed to her I wouldn't do anything with him that I wouldn't want him to do if I were with him.
But a few days ago, when all at his house, he wanted to fool around when she wasn't around. He doesn't want to break up with her, but doesn't want to pass up the opportunity with me. Should I tell her what he's doing; tell him that even though I still have feelings for him, I won't do that; or let him have the best of both worlds which isn't fair to me or his new girlfriend?

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Hi,
I am glad that you have stood your ground as you said that you have been cheated on and don't want to do that anything with him that you wouldn't want him to do to you.. good for you. I myself feel the same way, my husband (ex now) cheated on me and the last thing I want to do is be the reason another woman hurts; that's just not right. If I were you (and some might disagree), I would let it be. Separate yourself from him and let them work things out (or break up for that matter) amongst themselves. I personally would not recommend you telling her about how he came on to you. Who would benefit there? She will find out on her own what he's up to because if he wanted to fool around with you then he must not be happy with her and will find someone who will. He won't leave her because he wants his cake and eat it too. I realize you want to remain friends with him but he clearly wants more so as long as he is seeing her, I would recommend you not talk to him. Whatever you decide to do...best of luck. Lucy
Why do you want to be best friends with this man? You have first hand experience in what it's like when your partner turns to someone. This guy isn't that different than your husband...get rid of him and figure out what's attracting men like this into your life. I think you're deceiving yourself about being friends with this man.
Ahhh sounds like the same thing I went through. I ended the friendship with him and told him in no uncertain terms that I would not do that, and that if he cared about her he wouldn't want to cheat and that was the end of it.
I was cheated on by my husband too and I wouldn't want to do that to someone else. It's unfortunate that this girl is being deceived by her boyfriend but it's not up to you to tell her, he'll lie and probably convince her you threw yourself at him and she'll believe him because she wants too.