THE EX MUST GO!...right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
THE EX MUST GO!...right?
5
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:15pm
My boyfriend's ex will not go away. She is twenty years older than him. They dated five years ago, were together 1 1/2, split and then got back together for another year. He and I have been together for two years. She got married a few months ago and she had to call to "break the news" to him, after he already had to ask her to please stop calling him out of the blue. She has maintained contact with his family, especailly his 19yo sister. His mother had a kidney disease and late in his relationship with her, the ex volunteered to donate her kidney but they broke up and it never happened. My boyfriend's mother passed away 2 months ago and I had to meet the ex at the funeral home (without her husband?). I thought that would be the last time I ever had to come face to face with her. Last night, as we were walking in his dad's house after fishing out on their land, my boyfriend stopped dead in his tracks because he could see through the glass doors his ex, at the table with his dad, his dads new girlfriend and his grandmother. She just popped by to visit. I was furious, so we left immediately. She stayed a full hour after it was obvious we left because of her. Why does she hang on to his family and how can I make it stop? My boyfriend is going to call her today and ask her not to do that again. His dad asked him last night if I was pissed and he told him i was. if he was aware of the situation enough to ask that question, why would he allow that to happen? I do not want her anywhere near us. She does not need a window into our lives to see our children or hear anything about us. Any advice on getting rid of this situation would be appreciated.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:20pm
All I can say to that she's a PSYCHO. And yes she must go and have some dignity. Maybe she's really not married. She just said that she to see your boyfriend's reaction.

If I was going through that similar situation I would get a restraining order against this lady.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:28pm
Well that is a crappy situation. All you can do is ask his parents not to instigate visits. and if she comes to the door than tell them to keep her there and say they were just on theier way out the door. Something-anything. I am sure his parents wil cooperate, fo ryour sake, i am sure they don't like her that much. Anything for their son. also maybe get call display on your phone so you know who calls, or even change phone numbers. If she doesn't get the hint than do what the other ladie said, call the cops. Say she is freaking you out and would like a restraining order.

I wish you luck.

Carrie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 5:02pm

Hello ballison!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 7:59am
I totally agree with Terry.

I still have a relationship with my exhusband's family. I was with him for almost 7 years (married for 5). I still see my neice, I still get christmas cards from them and so doesn't my parents etc.

I have NO relationship what so ever however with my exhusband. I don't call him, I don't see him and I don't really keep tabs on him.

I think she's crossing the line being so immersed in his life, but the OP freaking out is not going to help. If his family wants to have a continued relationship with the ex that's their rights. You can't control what other people do. If your boyfriend wants nothing to do with her, I suggest changing your phone number to an unlisted number and make sure everyone is aware that she is not welcome to the number and also get caller ID so you know if she is calling or not.

I also agree with Terry on your boyfriend handling the situation, he needs to meet with her in a neutral place and tell her in no uncertain terms she's not welcome in his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:37pm
Obtain from the courts a restraining order on her. Throw her in jail if she violates it. Stalking and trespassing are crimes that should be PUNISHED.