ex problem - moving on

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
ex problem - moving on
4
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:51am
I've bin separeted from my ex for the past year and 1/2. Yet we still love each other. I can't take him back coz i don't trust him anymore. Reason for break up...he slept with my best friend. Now i know i should let him go and move on with my life. One thing i knw though, i don't want him back. I want the feeling of hurt to go away so i can be able love again.

Plus there's a guy i've bin interested in and he feels the same abt me.

Problem is i don't want to get with him, coz i can't trust myself. I feel as though somwhow, someday i'll get back together with my ex.

Please help me. I just don't knw how to go about getting over my ex, so i can move on with my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 6:54am
First i like to say I'm sorry this happen to you........

i don't know if this was your husband

when you said separated, a lot of posters call

boyfriends ex's as well.... anyway.... i know

how much it hurts. and if you were together

for a long while, Even after 1 yr. & 1/2 you'll

still be hurt and hurting... so all i can say is

take it as slow as you can.. most of the time

a "new" love can heal the old one. but

trust is a very serious issue and should be talked

and worked out with new relationships.

work on your "own" heart for now.. even

if this mean a complete Break from relationships

in order to gain strength to go on. it can help you

build a stronger level of control to handling

"Human" disappointments that will and can show up again...

going back to a painful break up as "betrayal"

can be the hardest, and can put you

in a very confusing state of well being.

try "first" To see if without this relationship

you can forgive, let go, and move on.

find out what you truly want and what

is important to you, don't be

"afraid" to go after it "without" your ex.

build trust for you, build happiness

for you, "know" that you can have love

again, and be patient with "you"

And your broken heart...it will heal..

... when you least expect it...... :)

If you love God as I do .. hold on to

your faith and be strong......

even after 2yrs. i still hurt too.... but

i understand better now... and more

Able to let go of things and people that

are not good for me. And love again.

Give it time ... and be good to

you in the mean time.

take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:58am
Dear nobulali: what you are feeling is perfectly natural and something all of us have experienced. Letting go is sometimes the hardest part to splitting up. May I suggest therapy? I have done it myself and it helped me enormously. I discovered that dealing with my hard feelings -- i.e. resentment, disappointment -- and with a disinterested party enabled me to put the relationship in the past where it belonged. This is preferable to taking out those feelings on a new bf, which so often happens. He deserves the best you have to offer, not the damage someone else has caused.

Good luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:38pm
Ask yourself: is it your ex that you want or the idea of him? Sounds to me like you want the closeness of the relationship you had. Guess what? You can have it again- with someone trustworthy! Your ex betrayed you, and so did your friend. There is nothing there for you anymore. If he did it once, he can do it again. Now you have to understand what you're feeling so that you can move on.

So go and give this new guy a chance.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:19am
Thank you everyone for the wonderful replies. I greatly appreciated it.

The advice helped me alot.

Thank God for wonderful ppl like you.

Keep up the support.

Thanks.

Take care.