ex in wallet

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
ex in wallet
3
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 8:33pm
Hi. My boyfriend and I started out as friends for a year. During that time he had experienced a horrible breakup(she was unfaithful), and refused to step foot into another relationship unless he could see a strong commitment out of it. A little less than a year later, him and I became friends with benefits and developed feelings for one another. Currently, we are together, and enjoy each other's company dearly. However, last night something triggered in my brain something that I remembered him saying a year or so ago about his ex's picture in his wallet. Well, while he was in the bathroom I had snuck out into the kitchen and looked in his wallet and there she was, covered up in the back of his wallet. This does make me very conserned because he had put his all in her and was very distrought when they broke up. Does he still have this attatchment issue towards her? Should I be worried? Or could he just have forgotten it's there? I don't want to bring this up with him, because I've already discussed his ex with him and he claims that they could never work. I sometimes wonder if he hopes they could in the future?
Also, he has a wallet sized picture of me that he keeps on his table by his computer, just lying there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 1:41am

I dont blame you for being concerned. It is odd that he should still have her picture in his wallet. The only thing you can do is ask him if he still has the picture in his wallet. If he lies, then you can kind of see your future with him. If he tells you the truth, then it could be a basis for an open discussion, as long as you stay calm.

In regards to wondering if he is hoping for a reconciliation with the ex, only he would know how he truely feels. If you sense something, then you may want to pay attention to his behavior, but it doesnt sound like he is interested, based on your conversations with him.

It can take a while for the ties that did bind him to his ex to come undone. That is why people advise us to not date someone on the rebound because it could take one year or two years for him to be completely purged of her in his heart - and that can mean painful feelings and love feelings.

As far as your picture lying by his computer, buy a frame and insert your picture in it, hehe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 9:09pm

Not everyone gets rid of pictures of ex's. He told you about it a year ago, he didn't lie about it...so yes he could have forgot about it.. and you are just now remembering it so you decided to snoop and see if it was in there? Everyone deserves their privacy. How would you like for him to go through your private stuff?

What has he done to make you not trust him except for something he said a year ago, and you just remembered? If you don't trust him, WHY are you with him? You snooped and if you don't tell him about it in essence you are lying to him, if you tell him... he could forgive you or he could decide if you don't trust him why bother. LIES have no place in a healthy relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 9:25pm

I would be concerned. I don't blame you look thru his stuff since he mentioned before. I used to have an ex that we broke up badly but he still had feelings about me, so when he dated another girl after breaking up with me, he had my picture in his wallet, I've been told this by one of our mutual friends, that he always mentioned that girl has no comparison with me, etc. and that relationship doesn't last long.

I'm so sorry to tell you that. I hope he might be just forgot to take it out. If not the case, she must be occupying a special position in his heart. I wouldn't confront him, usually guys hate their gf look thru their private stuff. maybe to observe him quitely for other clues before making judgment. I hope everything turns out ok.