Ex won't let me move on

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Ex won't let me move on
3
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 4:04pm
Hi everyone. I could really use some help on this. My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago because he said he had feelings for another girl. However he told me not to lose hope for us because he still loves me. He said that he wants to see if our relationship is "the one" by seeing how it goes when he dates other people. I can kinda see what he means and do believe he still cares for me, but part of me fears that he just wants to keep me around in case the other girl doesn't work out. So as of right now he won't get back together with me but at the same time won't let me move on because he insists it could still end up working-so I'm stuck in this state of wanting to hold on but am getting tired of waiting around. Should I stick it out and see if our relationship is salvagable or move on? Or should I tell him straight up that I need to know where this is going because it's driving me crazy? Any thoughts would be appreciated! thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 4:11pm
Tell him that if he changes his mind, he knows where to find you.

You wouldn't really wait in the wings while he auditions a new girlfriend, would you? I think that is exactly what he is trying to get you to do. Don't you have more self-respect than that?

You can move on whenever you want. He's not stopping you. Just act as if things are over between you two - because they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 6:04pm
Ugh! So he really wants you to just wait around for him while he figures out who's better...you or this other girl? Absolutely do not do this. It's completely unfair to you. Perhaps things will work out in the future, although I would be hard pressed to go back to someone who did that to me, but for the time being I think you need to move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 10:11pm
If he thought you were meant to be, he would not want to date someone else! That's ridiculous. What he thinks is this girl might not work out and he doesn't want to be alone, so he wants his second choice (you) to hang around and stay available just in case. What a loser that guy is! Don't be his doormat!

He dumped you, move on and don't look back. If he comes back and tells you things didn't work out, tell him you are sorry to hear that and best of luck to him in the future. Either that or just laugh in his face.

I can't think of a single married couple that "tested" their relationship by breaking up and letting the guy date someone new while the girl "waited" to see how it went. Step back a few feet and get some perspective on what he is saying. Imagine "Bob" saying at a party about his wife "Laura"... "Phew, I am sure glad I slept with Suzie, that really proved to me that Laura was the 'one' for me."

I'd say under no circumstances should you ever get back together with this guy. He does not sound like a candiate for a healthy relationship. If for some crazy reason you decide to (and there is no help for you if you do), make sure he gets tested for diseases and shows you proof of the test results before you sleep with him again.

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