Exclusively dating vs. bf/gf

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2006
Exclusively dating vs. bf/gf
6
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 7:44am

Hello all,

A girl friend of mine and I were talking about how a guy she's been dating casually and her have decided to date exclusively. She was wondering if they were then gf/bf since they have decided not to date other people. And that made me wonder too. Is there a difference between dating exclusively and being bf/gf? If so, what is/are the difference(s)? What do you all think?

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 10:08am
She should ask him what his expectations are. Someone who is casually dating might decide to be mutually exclusive to avoid the risk of catching STDs. If they are casual, then the guy might be thinking that means that they are exclusive until or unless he meets someone else he likes better and wants to sleep with (at which time he'll tell your friend that). If she wants to know if they're bf/gf or if he wants to actually be committed to each other, that needs to be stated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 5:34pm

<< Is there a difference between dating exclusively and being bf/gf? >>

IMO, no ... there's really no difference. Honestly, I think there's too much emphasis placed on labels and the status of "what are we?" (on behalf of women, at least) whereas men are more apt to just take things at face value without the label of BF/GF. If you're dating a guy exclusively, and he's treating you like a GF ... that is, with respect, with prioritization and responsiveness to your needs, then ... well, if it walks like a duck, kwim?

However, despite those actions, if a woman doesn't hear the words "girlfriend" ... she might assume that she isn't ... even though all the actions and behaviors say otherwise.

On the other hand, a guy might not be quick to use the words "boyfriend/girlfriend" because he doens't want the woman to read too much into the committment. Men DO in relationships; whereas women want to talk about the relationship and know what/where things stand ... and there's nothing wrong with wanting to verbally express it and hear it expressed ... however, I do think that the actions speak louder than the words and putting a label on things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 12:34pm
It's semantics and can mean different things to different people which shows how important good communication is. You want to make sure the guy you're dating and yourself have the same definition of terms like bf/gf as in monogamous.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:26pm

I agree labels are overemphasized. It's not the most important thing to figure out "what" it is.

I think it comes down to whether or not it works. Whatever it is; whatever you think it should be: does it work? Are you happy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:38pm

"IMO, no ... there's really no difference. Honestly, I think there's too much emphasis placed on labels and the status of "what are we?" (on behalf of women, at least) whereas men are more apt to just take things at face value without the label of BF/GF. If you're dating a guy exclusively, and he's treating you like a GF ... that is, with respect, with prioritization and responsiveness to your needs, then ... well, if it walks like a duck, kwim?"

I have to disagree with this statement. Last year, I met a guy thru OLD, and for 2 months, he treated me like a GF...he called all the time, we e-mailed every day at work, we spent 3 or 4 nights a week together, sleeping over, cooking together, going out, meeting each other's friends...doing everyting that boyfriends and girlfriends do. He was very respectful of me and not doing it with anyone else while he was with me, and we went along just great for 2 months.

Then I asked him where we were in the frame of committment, because I wanted to know if we were working towards something, or just going along with the casualness of time, and he was very adamant that he "didn't want a girlfriend".

Even though we were basically BF and GF, he didn't want that label, because if he did meet someone else, he didn't want the showdown of a breakup...he wanted to just leave it open, so that he could meet someone else and then drift away from me, is the take I got from it...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:25pm

Well, if I agree to date someone exclusively, then I consider him my boyfriend. But it's all about intent and everyone's different...so if it matters to her, then she should *ask*.

Sheri