Exclusivity? or not...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
Exclusivity? or not...
7
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 1:12am

I suppose I don't really know where to go at this point...

I met a guy at the beginning of August. We emailed for awhile, called for awhile, and finally went on a few really fun (& real) dates. We have started sleeping together and we talk, email, or IM every day, at least once a day. I think we've really gotten to know each other pretty well over that time period - which is now around the one-month mark. Even though we both haven't come out and said it point-blank, we're not sleeping around with other people, and as far as I know, I've been the only girl he's been talking with and seeing on a regular basis. I am not (and don't want to) seeing any other guys & I see real potential in this guy that I'm "dating" (i guess that's what you'd call it), but I don't know if he feels the same way. I don't want to get all lets-define-the-relationship on him, but at the same time, I don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't view me the same way. Nothing is very clear cut with dating/exclusivity/relationships and It's been over 2 years since I've dated anyone and I'm not even sure of what I should or should not be doing in this situation. What I don't know, is when (or if, for that matter) we should have an exclusivity talk or how to even broach the subject!

Any advice would be super helpful in this situation. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 9:29am

You have only known the guy for 1 month, you are still learning each other. No matter how well you think you know him, the real person usually doesn't start showing themselves until 6 months.

Just because you have had sex doesn't mean anything but sex, until you have a talk with him, if he is seeing other people or not and you agree. Don't EVER Assume anything. It is too early for the exclusive/committed talk, because you really don't know each other yet. Since you are having sex, you do need to talk with him to see if he is having sex with other people. You are in control of your life and health. The only way to do that is to talk to the man, see if you are on the same page. Good luck

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 12:05pm

For me personally, it's important to have a clear agreement with someone I'm sleeping with that we are exclusive and monogamous, so I would bring it up. I would also want to know that we are on the same page with the type of relationship we want, although at just one month into it, it's too soon to know whether you'll eventually have that type of relationship with this guy. So I ask early on what type of relationship the guy is looking for in general, so I at least have an idea that we're on the same page (of course, there's no guarantee that he's being truthful, but at least if he says he's not looking for something serious and you are, you can evaluate things based on that information).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 5:42pm
I agree with Sheri overall, but I dont feel that one month is too soon. I have had these conversations at about one month with men in the past who I wished to date seriously and it worked out okay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 7:03pm
First be friends and get to know each other before getting into bed. After you know whether or not you want to continue seeing each other, then you can think of committment and exclusivity. good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 9:04pm
Im in a similar situation as you are!
Although, I dont think one month is too soon to have the exclusivity talk. It all depends on the couple, how much you two spend quality time together, how much you share with each other etc.
Since you've already slept with him, and he's still sticking around and his behaviour towards you doesnt seem to have changed, then I think it's legitimate to have this talk. I personally would want to know whether he is sleeping with other ppl, because now we're dealing with personal health issues. You have the right to know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 1:38pm
It's only been a month so too early to talk about exclusivity. But you can talk in general about what each of you eventually wants and perhaps touch on if he feels this has potential to become a serious relationship in time
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 9:42am
I agree. Communication is key and 1 month is
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