Excuse when he is not interested-Part 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Excuse when he is not interested-Part 2
12
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 9:52am
I just posted the following question yesterday:

"I went on 4 dates with this guy I have been seeing for one month. Just recently...he told me that he found out that he has to pay for quite a bit of money to get very minor body work on his motorcycle done. Mind you, This repair was needed way before I started seeing him a month ago. Suddenly he tells me that he hopes I don't mind but he can't go out and has to stay in for awhile now because he has to save up for this...and won't be able to socialize. He giving me the brush off?"

**Thank you to ALL who responded. Your answers made sense and are much much appreciated!**

Here is an update that has confused the heck out of me:

After he wrote this to me I wrote him back and said something like: I understand now...I kinda had a feeling he was gonna say this and that it was OK..I had a good time. I basically let him know that I was ON to him giving me the "brush-off"

He wrote me back and told me that:

that's not what he meant. He was just saying that he is going to be broke for a little bit and wanted to let me know before it sounded like he didn't want to

hang out.

Can a male writer please translate this??? If this guy really didn't want me to feel that he didn't want to hang out with me...why would he tell me that he has to stay home for awhile with no mention of asking me to do anything inexpensive with him? Or did he just say this because I called him on his bull-$#@! line

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 11:47am
My point is that to call him on it in the way you did, especially on email, was probably viewed by him as transparently defensive and confrontational whether he is telling you that or not. What I would have done in response to his motorcycle comment was either nothing or "Thanks for sharing" and that's it.

I would not want to continue dating someone who told me that he couldn't go out because of motorcycle repairs - first, I want to date someone who is financially stable enough that a movie or an inexpensive meal is doable on a fairly regular basis, second, who is creative enough and motivated enough to come up with alternatives when money is tight, and third, who would want to make a better impression on me than sending an email about motorcycle repairs as he did. I date only men I would consider marrying and I won't consider marrying someone who is not financially stable, since I am and have been since I graduated.

JMHO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 12:33pm
This goes to all who have replied back. I wanted to thank you all for your responses and for your advice. While I appreciate everyone's opinion.. even though I don't agree with all opinions stated...I appreciate it nonetheless...and thank you soo much for your time!

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