Exes...In or out

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Exes...In or out
2
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 9:52am
What are your stances on exes?

I'm currently in the middle of a situation that I'm unsure what to do.

I dated my ex for about 6 months. Never cheated on me, very affectionate, was an overall good guy...one of the best that I had dated in my life (albeit a short list). We had a lot of fun when we were dating. His worst traits were his laziness, his depressive traits, and his lack of emotions. You see, it was like dating myself. We are a lot alike, which I finally realized and the things I hate about him are really what I hate about myself.

Well, this isn't the psych message board, but you get my point.

We have remained in contact on and off since we broke up (he broke up with me). It has been over 2 years. We see each other every couple of months. Every time we DO see each other, he get more affectionate without specifically talking about getting back together. At the end of a really fun night this week, he kissed me and told me how much he missed me then we went our separate ways. There may have been a butterfly or two waking up. We had a couple of drinks, so it wasn't the time for a deep talk or the butterflies.

I refuse to start the conversation about it because I'm not sure if it is something I want, but want to sort it out, in case I'm asked. It has been a long time, but I don't know if it's worth it to get back together with him. I'm torn and completely divided.

Here's the bottom line:

We've already been through it.

Why would I want to try it again with him if it obviously didn't work the first time.

Is it worth it? It would be nice to be with him again, but I don't know if the pros outweigh the cons. Would he just leave for no reason again? How do I trust that's not going to happen? Am I ready for another go of it? On and on...

Opinions please?

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 10:48am
Find out why he left you the first time. I think a person should be in a relationship where their partner makes them feel stonger and better about themselves. If you are too much alike and it didn't work before, it probably won't again. I went back to an ex for a second time (we were like the same person as well)and as i matured i saw that he was not what I needed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:46am
I always say, there's a reason they are an EX. It didn't work out once, probably won't work out again, but in the beginning it's nice because there's the comfort factor- this person knows a lot about you already. He did break up with you the first time, and you need to look at why. And why is he saying things like he really misses you and such? You want to be with someone who brings out the BEST in you- not makes you look at the worst you hate in yourself.

Could the butterflies just be cause you haven't had good attention in a while? I know I get that way when I haven't been dating for a while....

Photobucket