Explain this behavior please!
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Explain this behavior please!
| Sun, 03-07-2004 - 5:10pm |
Been casually dating this guy for a few weeks now and thus far he's been reliable, being on time, etc. (No, he's not the no question guy... :)) So last weekend we saw each other on Saturday evening and wound up making plans for Sunday for brunch/lunch. Well he never called. At first I was annoyed but then got worried since it was deviant from his usual behavior so I called him to make sure all was ok. He tells me he woke up late and didn't think of calling me... And apologized though it sounded like an off-handed apology though that could just be my interpretation.
So he asked me out again for this weekend and I told him I was busy but I might go out on Sunday and he said he was interested in going as well. He then told me to give him a call mid-week to fill him in on how my week was going.
I didn't call. Part of it is because I'm still annoyed by his behavior last weekend. Am I being too tough on him? Insight would be helpful... thanks!

So no, I don't think you should have called him. But I also do not think you should have told him you would call. It would have been better just to say: "I might give you a ring, if I have time." Or something like that. That way, you wouldn't be stooping to his level of playing the "I forgot to call you" game.
Not that it matters much as it seems that both of you lack genuine interest in each other to put forward a solid effort. I wouldn't expect another call from him.
If & when he calls you back you were within every right to let him know that your time is valuable to you and that you do not appreciate being stood up. Then you could have talked more to see if there was enough mutual interest to have another date.
Please remember that two wrongs do not make a right.
The odd thing was that even though he stood me up, he was hot and heavy to find time to hang out again this past weekend. What confuses me is that if he were losing interest, why bother trying to get another date set?
He did apologize but it was so off-handed. When I asked if he was ok, what happened? He answered "oh most of those who know me know that sometimes on the weekend I just sleep until my body was ready to wake up... And I don't wake up without an alarm." See to me that's all fine and dandy but if that's the case, then don't make a date with me during the day on a weekend. And don't tell me you're going to call me at 11am so we can get together a little while later for brunch.
I worry about being too harsh but at the same time, I can't seem to get over the thought that I wouldn't treat an aquantaince this way, let alone someone I wanted to date. But my question is--am I being too rigid with that? One of my girlfriends said that we don't really owe each other anything at this point...
Personally, I wouldn't bother spending any more time or energy thinking about this guy. You've both been a little rude to each other now.
But if you still want to date him, let him show you that he is interested. If he is, he will call you and make a special effort to make another date. And he will not only KEEP the date, he will be ON TIME. You don't need to do anything else.. no phone calls, no emails. Just sit back and accept his offer... but only if you want to and think it's worth it. Otherwise, there are so many other guys out there who WON'T stand you up.
And your girlfriend is only partially right... you two aren't obligated to each other, in the sense that it's too soon for longterm commitments. But anyone who makes any kind of commitment is responsible for fulfilling the commitment... whether it's meeting your girlfriend for lunch or returning a phone call. It's just good manners and decent behavior.
Hello, has he heard of an alarm clock. His behaviour shows lack of respect for you. Don't accept that. You are important and so is your time. The first month of dating is supposed to be a honeymoon phase. Men are supposed to be on their hand and knees serving you, so to speak. If he is lousy now, he will only get worse as time goes on. You did the right thing. You gave him the taste of his own medicine. Delete his number and move on!!
Good Luck!!