Ex's best friend want to date me
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Ex's best friend want to date me
| Tue, 09-20-2005 - 7:02pm |
Is it acceptable behavior among the male species to immediately move in on your best friend's girl when your best friend breaks up with her? Do "nice" guys do this?
Am I on target in thinking that the Unwritten Women's Code frowns on one woman dating her best woman friend's ex, at least within, say, a week of the breakup? LOL
I am curious about this because, guess what?, my ex-boyfriend's best friend has asked to date me just one week after my breakup with his best friend. Everything I know about him seems to indicate he is a nice guy. Maybe guys' boundaries are different. Should I fault him for this?

i have had something close to it happen. but it was a guy telling me that he had always looked at me as his best friend's gf (I had dated his best friend in the past), so he just did not try to go anywhere with his feelings. he thought it was wrong. but maybe he never looked at me that way becoz i wasn't his type to begin with! so there could be multiple factors at play here.
i believe one week is too SOON!! the major thing here is that have they both talked??? perhaps they have, and your ex says he is OKAY? in anycase, i think u need time to heal before dating again? if this is going on behind your ex's back, then i see something wrong there. this friend is not acting sensitively and maturely.
i don't believe in "rules" that one can't date a best friend's ex.
perhaps others dont feel the same. but if it is done with proper communication, and sensitivity, then people should always have the freedom to date who they want to date. if i break up with an ex, yes it would hurt me to see my best friend dating him, but why would i want to CONTROL their lives, and be possessive of my ex, when i am no longer with him? so a best friend should be open minded and mature enough to allow that to happen.
open communication is the right thing to do here.
and along with that, i think the reasonable thing to do here is to first allow things to settle down. and then move on in the right way.
memphisstars...
Pianoguy thinks that 'dating a best friend' after a break-up is okay....AS LONG YOU REMEMBER 3 THINGS:
1. The relationship between you and the EX is COMPLETELY FINISHED! In other words, there's no possibility of the 2 of you 'reuniting' in the future.
2. You don't start looking for comparisons between the EX and the best friend. The relationship is BRAND NEW and references to what the EX and you did in THE PAST are inappropriate.
3. You aren't dating this person in order to get REVENGE against the EX! You are dating him (or her) because you HONESTLY want to!
Pianoguy
No, I don't think that in general, most guys' boundaries are different...if anything, the guys I know would say that they have a much stronger prohibition against dating women their friends have dated than women do.
I personally would have a problem with it, because loyalty to friends is absolutely KEY to who I am. So, I would wonder about the person's integrity. I would ask them if they'd discussed it with my ex, for starters, and go from there...but a *week* just seems SO disrespectful, both to you and your ex.
Sheri
Thanks, you all. I did ask my boyfriend's friend if he had told him that he was planning to date me and, to my amazement and horror, he said he did and my boyfriend said we had been broken up for a month. And this was when I was still seeing my boyfriend. Apparently, my BF had moved on his mind before he even informed me we were through. And we had been together 5 years!
Needless to say, I am quite angry with him, and I may very well be in a revenge mode, at least subconciously. So there will be no dating of his friend to get back at him.
I have no intention of dating right now because I am still completely upset about my break-up. I just wondered if this was typical guy conduct. I too value my friends above all else and in the past have turned down a date with my best friend's ex. I still would not date him, in respect to her, and it has been 30 years!
One week seems soon but you are right - boys and girls are different. If you're not interested then subject over. But if you think he's a terrific guy other than this questionable timing move, then you should talk to him about your ex and how he feels about the situation, how you feel, etc.