falls in love & starts cheating!?!?
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falls in love & starts cheating!?!?
| Thu, 12-29-2005 - 8:27pm |
What's with this guy? I am 46, he is 53. We have been seeing each other for 5 months. I told him when we first met that I was getting over a bad breakup and was not looking for anything real serious right away. We met online, started going out, got along great... 3 weeks after we met he says he loves me! Within 6 weeks he is talking about moving in together. Now I just found out he is back online and has been looking for and talking to other women, (and possibly has been with some)! What's the deal? I know this scenario happens, but usually not within the first few months.

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Well, to be fair, you DID tell him YOU weren't looking for anything serious- so he accepted that obviously is still keeping his options open.
I do agree with Chamey though, that any guy who tells you he loves you after only a few weeks has issues.
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I would too. He flat out lied about everything. He lied about taking his profile off the website and he implied that he wanted to settle down. That's why I feel he might have been looking for someone to share the rent. Most guys would not put themselves in a relationship setting (living with someone), if they weren't ready for the long haul, unless there was something they were getting out of the deal.
<< 3 weeks after we met he says he loves me! Within 6 weeks he is talking about moving in together.>>
Yes, I'd agree with the others that if someone says he loves you after 3 weeks, there are issues there.
Secondly, take everything that's said in the first few months, within the context of a "future with you," with a grain of salt. It's often stated in the height of infatuation. Call it a lie. Call it overzealous (ie, he may have been FEELING that way). But, whatever you call it, recognize that a person cannot make informed decisions, such as the idea of moving in together, with less than a firm grasp on the reality of who you are ... and at 6 weeks, he doesn't really know you nor him ... so, take it with a grain of salt based on infatuation, not on really know you or knowing what he really wants.
<< I just found out he is back online and has been looking for and talking to other women, (and possibly has been with some)! >>
You said that you didn't want anything serious. His words indicated that he did. When your words didn't indicate the same, he went back online. That's not cheating, that's keeping his options open. There was no exclusivity based on mutual agreement. If his words were saying that he wanted something exclusive, and your words weren't ... then, going back to other options just means that he's aware that you don't want what he wants. No harm, no foul.
So, was it an assumption that just because he said those things, that you had an exclusive relationship. Absolutely! I mean, what about what YOU said ... "I'm not looking for anything serious" ... it takes two to have an exclusive relationship and he wasn't hearing that that was what you wanted.
Therefore, I have to ask, just because he said those things, does that mean that he has the power to that easily change your mind? (ie, "He said 'I love you' ... so, now I want something serious, too). If so, then it's up to you let him know that you want something serious, too. But, if he can change your mind that easily, with a few words, then ... IMO, that means that you don't really know what you want, either ... know what I mean?
No assumptions. Stick to what you know you want without letting a few overzealous words easily sway you from what you know you want.
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