Fears of Being Unfaithful
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| Mon, 10-24-2005 - 5:47pm |
For over a year and a half, I have been seeing the same guy. We recently moved in together, and we love each other so much. In a previous relationship, my significant other has cheated on me. I caught him with another woman, and he later confessed to doing it. Until recently, I didn't think this had a lasting impression on me. After all, it wasn't my fault that my ex-boyfriend was not faithful.
It all started a few weeks ago. My boyfriend works as a bartender/waiter at a very classy restaurant. One of his coworkers is a woman he has known since he was in high school. They were friends back then, and after several years apart, are now friends again. She's a very sweet, beautiful girl, and I've met her several times. The first time I met her, it was upon his request. He insisted that this woman was incredible, and I had to meet her. But, she recently told him that she has developed feelings for him. She also said she would never do anything about it as long as he was in a relationship. I trust that if my boyfriend was tempted to stray, he would tell me prior to anything happening. We agreed upon honesty when we started our relationship. The problem is that he continually talks about her and tells me of the stories they share. He has often been there to listen to her and her issues with her boyfriend (whom she broke up with a few days ago). I assume she has also been there to listen to him and his concerns about a variety of things. I am normally a confident woman, but this girl makes me feel so insecure. She's younger, in better shape, has better skin, hair, sense of humor, etc... And they have developed a level of communication that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel comfortable saying that nothing has happened with them. We still go to the restuarant for dinner, and she is often our server. My boyfriend does not seem concerned with us hanging out together. Plus, I feel that if something was happening with them, he wouldn't feel so comfortable telling me the things they discuss. But I can't help but wonder about their friendship. I feel crazy for being so concerned. What shoudl I do?

As for you, there's little that you can do except work on your own insecurity issues. You are realizing that your x's behavior has long term consequences on your self esteem...work on it. Women are always going to be around your guy, sniffing around (especially in a restaurant). Are you going to be totally insecure about it or will you work on your issues so that you can shrug it off and _know_ that it makes no difference, he's coming home to you?
What did he say to her when she told him she was interested in him?
If he shut her down completely, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You can talk to him about your fears (but be sure to let him know you realize they are irrational and that you TRUST him) but short of forbidding him to be friends with her, what else can you do other than trust that he wouldn't do anything to hurt you?
Sheri