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| Fri, 10-08-2004 - 3:06pm |
Hi all. I am new here and I need outside perspective on my situation. here goes...met a great man 3 yrs ago, we had a really great connection. He relocated for a job and I also changed careers. We lost touch. Cut to this summer, he is back in town at a firm and I ran into him. He claims when he got back in town a year and a half ago he would walk center city on his breaks in hopes of seeing me. He had lost his phone book(skeptical). So, he calls me and invites me to lunch. He commences to tell me that he never forgot me, he still adores me. Next date he tells me that he wants me in his life, but also tells me he's happily engaged now. He says he wishes he had found me a year and a half ago, it would be me. I appreciated his honesty and let him know that I would try to keep in touch, but I can't see me in his life knowing that we want each other as more than friends. Over the course of the summer, we talked, still had lunch dates, and he would always come to see me. I finally told him that its going to be too hard for me to be a "friend" when it comes time for him to actually get married and start his family. We're too attracted. But there is a strong connection. He tells me he can't "deal" with not being able to see me. He says he gets this "overwhelming feeling of joy", whenever he's with me. I've avoided seeing him for a month, only once a week calls. He finally got me to meet him for drinks last Friday. I go down to meet him at his office, he had to finish up some work first. But we talked outside and he tells me he has some news. I guess that he got married, but he says no its coming up. I knew one day I'd have to hear this. At that point I don't want to go for drinks or have him drive me home. I tell him to be happy and congratulations. He gets upset and says "I'm discarding him and we were friends from the moment we met". I'm trying to make him understand that we are not just typical friends even if there was no sex involved. If we were just friends he could tell his girl about our lunch dates, I wouldn't mind meeting her, etc. I do feel a strong connection with this man, I would like to be his friend, but I don't think I can, not the way he wants. He feels since we never had sex, there was no romantic involvement, so I should be able to be deal with this. Could there really be friendship? Should I call him and let him know I'm not discarding him or just let it go and get on with my life? Sorry so long-winded. Any help is appreciated.
jomei

Since he has chosen to go through with marrying this woman anyway, I think you are wise and mature to put a stop to the friendship. If you continue to be his friend, your feelings for eachother will continue to grow and then, 1. you might end up in bed with him, and/or 2. you won't be able to detach yourself and go on to find someone you can connect with who's "free."
I know it sucks when you feel a connection but you're not together, and I'm convinced that sometimes those instant/intense connections aren't "true." I've been burned plenty of times by those fiery "connections."
jomei
peace,
jomei