Feeling confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Feeling confused
1
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 11:16pm
While we all think that its the real thing, it crumbles right beneath you. I had dated this guy for about 2months, he his divorced , 2 children, I divorced no children..he pursued me to the extent of 24/7 even when he traveled abroad. I travel for work as well, but he said we will make it through this. One weekend just a few wks ago, we were both home,spent time together and then it was, I need time,I need to make sure that I put my kids first not me, I will never forget the faces the day they drove away with my soon to be exwife, I was devastated and its 6 yrs later (they are in another state), and he still carries the guilt. he had a relationship with someone prior to the marriage ending, because it was always a problem marriage. Then it came to an end, he filed,she took the children, he sees them often makes numerous visits to see them school things etc..they are both teens. He take s them on great vacations,but yet he feels guilty. I have told him I will give him the time and space he needs, dont know what else to do. I miss him! what shoukd I do, just let it go and if it was meant to be it will happen. I dont know what else to do.Advise??
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:25am

I think what happened was that you jumped into the relationship too quickly. He was spending a lot of time on you but it was because things were new and exciting, not because you had had enough time to develop a deep lasting relationship. After the initial excitement wore off, the relationship probably felt too overwhelming for him. He may have realized he'd been neglecting other things in his life and gotten scared by it.

Maybe I am misunderstanding, but it sounds as though you are saying he wanted to end the relationship. If that is what he says he wants, then you need to respect his wishes and let him go. You deserve to be with somebody who wants you enough that they wouldn't ask to end the relationship.

If I'm wrong and he still wants to see you, then I would say to just see where things go. Even if he wants to continue seeing you, he clearly wants to spend more time on other things and less time on you. I would just let him do that for now and see how things go.

It sounds like maybe you are confused yourself as to whether or not he was asking to end things. He is the only one who can answer that question. It's important that you know the answer to that, so definitely ask him if you don't already know the answer. Good luck with everything.