Feeling insane!
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| Sat, 03-03-2007 - 1:32am |
I am fairly new to these boards.. Thank you all for allowing me to vent!
For 2 years, I had a long distance relationship with a wonderful guy- I'll call him "Dan." He was a great boyfriend- treated me well and truly adored me. However, things began to get rocky and I found myself getting more and more bored, lonely, and envious of my single friends. I started seeing flaws in Dan and about 6 months ago, I ended the relationship. For some silly and vain reason, I was convinced I could find someone more attractive, smarter, more successful...you name it.
After breaking up, I felt fairly content for a month or two. Unfortunately, this past October I began to miss Dan. I became sad, and the sadness only worsened. I tried to date and take my mind off the situation, but by December, I was thoroughly miserable and began calling Dan obsessively.
He enjoyed talking to me frequently and I eventually convinced him to allow me to fly out and visit him. We had a wonderful weekend together and I sensed he felt a connection as well. However, when I approached Dan about trying a relationship again, he told me he did not have enough feelings to be in a relationship with me right now. He kept saying "you never know what could happen in the future, but I can;t right now."
Although I consider myself to be a fairly rational and composed person, the rejection is KILLING me! I am so miserable at the thought of losing Dan and I am tempted to call him nearly every day. I am embarrassed by my desperation and am having a horrible time getting over him. I feel terrible for taking him for granted and cannot stop beating myself up over it.
Dan is moving back home (20 minutes from where I live) this May. I cannot help but hope things will improve between us when he does. I know that we would have a better chance of working things out if we actually saw eachother more than once in six months. However, I don't know if I should hold on for this option...
I am driving myself insane! Please help. I really appreciate any advice

Well, it sounds like the chances of him wanting a relationship with you again are not great. You can either beat yourself up for making a mistake and continue to dwell on it, or you can accept what *is* and move on. If it's meant to be in the future, it'll work out but staying stuck is not going to do you one bit of good. So IMO it is in your best interests to focus on moving on, but be open to the possibility should it occur in the future (without counting on it in any way).
If you're really having a hard time with acceptance, you might consider some short-term counseling to help you deal with this.
Sheri
"However, things began to get rocky and I found myself getting more and more bored, lonely, and envious of my single friends. I started seeing flaws in Dan and about 6 months ago, I ended the relationship."
I'm just wondering if this is a case of "buyer's remorse" in reverse. You might want to revisit those reasons you broke up with him in the first place. If you had him back again, wouldn't those same issues be there?
If it's just a matter of you being lonely in a long distance relationship and becoming envious of your friends, then I would say there's perhaps something to work on with Dan. But it sounds like you really hurt him...he may not be willing to trust you again.
I'd refrain from calling him a lot. Let him come back around on his own. I'm not saying don't contact him, just let him step up if he wants to. Only time will tell with this.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you. FG