Feeling lonely and ALONE...
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| Sun, 12-18-2005 - 5:01pm |
Not sure where to write this, but maybe someone knows how I feel...
When I was in college (5 yrs ago), there were 6 of us girls, we were all good friends. At the time I was the only who had a steady serious bf whom I was with for 4 yrs. Anyway, since we've graduated, we've all moved on with our lives, with our jobs, and I have broken up with my bf 3 years ago, and all of them have found their own significant partners since then. Actually, one out of the 6 already got married this past summer, one got engaged last year, and just recently (within the past month), 2 of them got engaged too. That leaves me and one other friend left, BUT she has a serious bf and are in the talks of getting married soon as well...So basically, I am the ONLY ONE left.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, although I am very happy for all my friends but I feel left out and alone. Seems like after graduation, everyone has moved on with their lives, found love and are off to another stage in their lives, marriage, buying houses, and soon kids etc. and I am still here single without someone to share my life with, not even a decent date.
I know I am young, and I wouldnt want to get married right now since my career comes first, but it would be nice to have someone special in my life whom I can make future plans with. I find it so difficult to meet someone I really like yet it seems so easy for everyone else. Sometimes I question whether I will live my life alone forever until I decide to settle with someone whom i dont really love.
Maybe I'm just going through a phase, and I probably am, but right now I do feel lonely and scared. Thought that maybe if I vented here it would make me feel better??

I understand what you're feeling. At times, I too feel the same way. However it's important for you to not compare yourself to anyone else. When we start comparing, we lose sight of everything we do have. This time of year makes it easy for these feelings to appear as well.
It's ok to feel how you're feeling. I think it's important for us to not focus only on those feelings though because it can lead you into
I was sort of in the opposite situation as you. When I was in college, my best friend got engaged, and I had never even had a boyfriend. I pretended to be happy, but inside I was so jealous of her. Then, when we were a few years out of college, her love life was going terribly while I was with a wonderful guy. If there is one thing that I learned from the whole experience is that you should never gloat when you're on top or get to down on yourself when you're on the bottom because you never know when or how things will change.
Even though many of your friends are married or engaged, you still don't know how things will turn out for them or for you. The odds are quite good that somewhere down the line, you will be the one getting engaged and planning a wedding, and sadly, you don't know who of your friends might end up breaking up with her significant other down the line. That's just the way life goes. There are very few people in this world who meet the love of their life when they're really young and then live happily ever after. The vast majority of us at some point go through that phase of feeling lonely wondering when, or even if, the right person won't come along. And quite frankly, if I could live my life all over again, and change things so that I could have been with my boyfriend when I was much younger, I wouldn't. Looking back, I'm actually thankful for the time I spent by myself and feeling lonely because it gave me a whole different appreciation for him that I wouldn't have had if we'd met and been together when we were younger. I think it makes our relationship deeper in a way than it could have been if we hadn't both gone through those lonely periods in our lives.
Anyway, I'm sure it must be tough seeing all of your friends getting engaged and married when you're alone. But just hang in there. When the right guy comes along, he'll have been worth the wait.
Edited 12/18/2005 8:39 pm ET by rosewater99
I know how you feel. I'm probably younger then you are but i am in the same boat. All of my close friends are married, engaged, or in a seriouse relationship. I had a serious boyfriend in high school and was engaged to him and well things fell apart. Since then i have not had a real relationship (3.5years) And it is frustrating. I mean my three best girlfriends are all married now and one of them is expecting a baby. I don't feel like i belong anymore cause i don't have someone of my own. I'm the odd one out.
And the spiral the one poster was talking about. I am on that, I feel like i'm in a Very deep dark hole alone. and the harder i try to get out of it the farther down i fall. So i'm probably not a good one to give you any advice. I just wanted you to know that i know how you feel.
I am going back to college and hope maybe that will help me meet someone. Course the three years i went to two other colleges nothing worked. And i worked and moved to a completely different state for 6months and nothing happened either. So i hate to be more negative but i'm not expecting anything. How do you get posative when nothing is looking up?
Sorry to go on about myself and my problems. I hope things get better for the both of us.
Squeak
Cassie
<> You make things lookup for you! If you wait and hope for someone else to take that lonliness away, you're going to be lonely even when you're with them. You have to work at pulling yourself up.
For example, my father is dead, my mother doesn't speak to any of us. I have no family where I live. I could sit and be sad about that or I could do something about it. So I do. That's why I was saying... help someone less fortunate. Help someone who cannot help themselves. THe warmth you'll feel is insurmountable.
Hope this helps.
I understand how you feel, too.
Start
Thank you for all the support from everyone.
You are so right about what you said. Like me, I remembered being the only one who had a steady boyfriend at the time while I watched all my girlfriends go through heartbreaks with random guys and dating around. A few years later, which is now, the tables have turned. Not only does it scare me that I might end up being alone forever (like I already had my time), I also feel like I am growing apart from my friends. When we go to get togeters, house BBQs, dinners, I am always the one showing up solo. They constantly ask me if I have met anyone special and it makes me feel even worse when I have to tell them no. Perhaps it's my own insecurities, but a part of me thinks they're probably wondering WHY I havent found anyone yet (it's been like 2 years). However, knowing all of this, and what you said, it's true you'll never what will happen tomorrow. Things can change at the drop of a dime, I'm still hoping to believe that love can happen if you believe it (not to sound corny or anything, hence the name "Charlotte York").
Honestly, your comment gave me perspective.