Filling a void?
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| Sat, 11-11-2006 - 9:00pm |
So I broke up with my bf in May, but still acted like a couple off and on over the summer because it was hard for both of us to let go. Then offically in August we were done because he was treating me poorly. Then after week or so, me and an old ex started being close again. We were hanging out/ on the phone all the time, but we were not dating. Then a couple weeks ago, he saw me with another guy, just a friend, at a party. He thought we were hooking up and told me he needed space. He completely cut off contact and I really missed him. So I decided to take some time to learn to love myself and be happy.
Now, a few weeks later I've met a new guy. I have no idea how he feels about me, I mean he's really flirty and we live in the same building, so sometimes we run into each other and talk. I don't know him that well, but I think I like him, but I'm not sure if I'm just using him to fill a void. I've been feeling lonely lately. I really want a boyfriend just to have someone to be close with and talk to. So, should I pursue him? or just wait for somebody better to come along?

By your post it seems that you're trying to fill the loneliness your feeling. Why are you lonely?
Getting a BF just not to feel lonely isn't the right reason. The moment you feel happy and content with who you are that's the right momnent to look for a BF and share yourself with him. You're emotionally healthy to be in a relationship. A man will not make you happy and a man will not take the loneliness away.
Thanks for your reply. I am happy with myself and I feel content. However, I miss the perks of having a boyfriend, you know, cuddling and just being close with someone. I haven't been able to sleep well lately and the best sleep, for me at least, is when I'm curled up with someone who I care about.
It sounds like I'm just looking for a good night's sleep, hehe, but that's not it. I was just wondering if anyone has ever felt this way too and could relate? I'm ready for a relationship, but I don't know if I'm just taking the easy way out, like settling for a good guy who I'm sorta okay with, or if I should just wait for the right guy? Is it bad to be picky?
Has there been any progress with the new guy aside from the flirting? If it's just a flirty, neighborly thing than I probably wouldn't bother pursuing him. I think you have to be a bit careful when you're in the mood to just fill a void because you may be so consumed with filling the void rather than finding the right fit. Trust me, I understand where you're coming from--I've had many nights when I had wished someone to be next to me, to cuddle with in the cold, to wake up and have a morning routine with. But by not having that and learning to live with it, I no longer look to fill the void with inappropriate choices. I've learned that since I can live without having someone to cuddle with, I can take my time and choose partners that are better for me in the long run.
Though it's hard (and I know it is) I would not try to fill the void and instead learn how to be your own best company and cuddle partner if that makes sense...
To sum it all up, if this guy hasn't made moves, I wouldn't either. Take this time to get to know you, to really get to know you. It's only been a few weeks that you've been alone in the grand scheme of things. I have a feeling you'll learn a lot about yourself in the next few months...
Hope this helps.